Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween Costume Honoring All Four Recently Fired Philadelphia Coaches


Happy Halloween, kids! Someone I totally never met and don't know the first and last names of sent me this photo of his Halloween costume, which is supposed to be all four of Philadelphia's recently terminated head coaches/managers. Wait what where's Andy Reid? Those are Eagles shorts... yeah, I know. But the Wawa bag totally makes up for that. Such amazing creativity and laziness at the same time.

Yo girl digging the Rockford Peaches jawn

No seriously that wouldn't get really creepy really fast. Like after, oh, eleventeen drinks.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Eagles Week 8 Report Card


Grade: F

Clem Murray, Philly.com, srslywtflol

Friday, October 25, 2013

Ruben Amaro Jr. Plays the $150,000,000 Pyramid (Again!)



 Ruben, Markie, yet again you've made it to the winner's circle! 

Wow- I tell ya, that's impressive, especially considering how things ended last time. 

You know the rules-  if you can guess all of the clues before the clock runs out you win ...


Twenty-five thousand big ones!!!


That's right! Markie, you'll be giving the clues. Ruben, you'll be guessing. 


Let's do this, Dick!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

This Sixers Picture is Glorious


I wanted to catch up on the Sixers this morning, so I read this article by my colleague in professional sports journalism Keith Pompey. I never made it past the picture. It's amazing. As such, here's a detailed analysis. If I read the words I'll talk about those later.



Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Monday, October 21, 2013

"Dom Brown: Villain"



Well then, it appears Dom Brown didn't exactly endear himself to Philadelphia yesterday when he trolled the city's fans mercilessly.

Listen, I don't know what to say. He has a right to root for whichever team he'd like, though I would think that a little more tact was called for. The only thing we-- as a collective-- can do in response to something like this is make silly Photoshops. That, donkeys, is what I've done.

ENJOY!



Eagles Week 7 Report Card: Introducing Randy Touchdown and Jamewas Winston


Man that game was awesome, eh? Let's just get right to it fargle bargle.

Quarterback
ZWR: If Jeff Kemp, Brad Goebel, Pat Ryan, Mike McMahon, Rodney Peete, Doug Pederson, and Ty Detmer had a sevensome and made an awful quarterback baby that thing would have done better than Nick Foles against the Cowboys. Grade: Worse than the spawn of the sevensome.


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Boo at the Zoo 2013!!!!!


Been doing these for years now... and still love it. ENJOY DONKEYFACEBUTT!


Click to make image larger


Monday, October 14, 2013

Please Sign This Petition to Make 'Whoomp There It Is' the Flyers Goal Song


Change.org is filled with all kinds of whiny dorkbeak political stuff, but finally* there's a petition on there worth supporting and lending your name to. Craney made me aware of it, and it's the work of my homeslice Estemomb over at Flyers Faithful. As he cogently explains:
There is one solution and that is Whoomp. 
Why a 1993 rap song? Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s the only song with the proper attitude to bring the Flyers out of their current funk. Let’s take a look at these extremely relevant lyrics: 
Whoomp chak a laka chack a laka chak a laka chak a  
Whoomp chak a laka chack a laka chak a laka chak a 
Whoomp chak a laka chack a laka chak a laka chak a 
Whoomp chak a laka chack a laka chak a laka chak a
Seriously that's a great point so GO SIGN IT HERE!!!!!


* Well at least since that Eagles kelly green one

Eagles Week 6 Report Card


Hey kids, Danger and Bobby can't make it this week but the former asked us to send this along:


Okay then let's get to it!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Sympathy For LARRY F'N BOWA (***Warning Rated R***)



Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a manager of wrath and hate
I've been around for f***ing years
Stole many a man’s soul and faith
And I was ‘round when Jesus Christ
Was my war cry of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Travis Lee
Knew he sucked before I sealed his fate


Phils Hire Bowa to Coach Benches


The Phillies made another change to their coaching staff yesterday, as word broke that Larry Bowa will be donning red pinstripes once again- this time as bench coach. Look for Bowa to bring his trademark feistiness to his new role.


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Barves Gon' Barve (ANIMATED)


What a heart-breaking loss for the Braves last night. You can't help but feel for them.

(Credit: thebiglead.com)
Ouch, right? Right?!?!?

Phillies Offseason Already Off to a Sh*tty Start



I don't usually post vulgar items like this--seeing as this is a family bolg and all--BUT... this is pretty crazy...


Monday, October 7, 2013

Flyers New Org Chart











Philadelphia Coaches: A Handy Infographic




I know, it's hard to keep track, so feel free to bookmark this page for reference. LOL did you also know that Chip Kelly is now the LONGEST TENURED Philadelphia coach (in the real sports)?? Wow.

These are the coaches:


These are not the coaches:


Eagles Week 5 Report Card (FIRST PLACE)



NICKFOLEON DYNAMITE

Quarterbacks
ZWR: RUNNING: Vickster gets an A. Birds went into PlayStation mode early on and he was killing it. PASSING: Nickfoleon Dynamite baby A did you see those moonballs love it gimme gimme gimme. MOTIVATING: Matt Barkley love what you brought today A+. STINKING: Eli Manning totally giving you an A darling thanks.

Danger Guerrero: Throwing for 500 yards and then throwing an interception with two minutes left is something you’d see in a movie titled The Tony Romo Story that critics around the world panned for being too on the nose. I legitimately feel bad for him at this point. I feel bad for a Cowboy. I don’t even know how to begin figuring out how I feel about that. I may need therapy. Nick Foles looked all right, I guess. Grade: B


FLYERS PRESS CONFERENCE: ZWR EXCLUSIVE LIVE STREAM




Click above to see what mad caper Ed, Homer and the gang will get into next!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

A Teenager’s Mediocre Gambling Picks, Week 5!!!


As noted last week, these are intended for illegal gambling of real money for which you have no intention of paying taxes on the winnings. 

Week 4 recap: I managed to go 10-5 straight up, but only 8-7 against the spread. I now stand at 28-33-2 ATS and 40-23 straight up. To the picks we go! Home team in CAPS.

CLEVELAND (-4) 23, Buffalo 17. Hey, a good start to the week for once!

Kansas City (-3) 20, TENNESSEE 13. I’d take the Titans if Jake Locker was playing, but alas it is Ryan Pickspatrick in the lineup instead.



Saturday, October 5, 2013

Best Z-Mail!!!


I got this late last night and it made me smile. Had to share, because there's so much goodness in it:

Hi!

I accidentally recorded the 9th inning of a Phillies comeback against the Mets in 2007 because my DVR was set up to record DNL and it was an afternoon game that went long. It ended up being an awesome inning, with Billy Wagner blowing it and getting the L. I ended up saving it forever, and now that my DVR is about to die I figured out how to get it off of there and share it with the world. You can see it here. (Editor's Note: It's also embedded at the bottom of this post)


Friday, October 4, 2013

Roy Halladay and Ruben Amaro Negotiate Roy's New Contract





[Interior - Ruben Amaro Jr’s office. He stares confusedly at a computer screen with two browser windows open. One has Dora the Explorer’s Nick Jr. games page up, the other a chart of Michael Young, Mike Adams, Delmon Young, and Chad Durbin’s advanced statistical outputs]

Wait, is negative good? F***ing math...



“Mr. Halladay is here.”

Swiper no swi… uhm, thanks. Send him in, but give me a second.

[hastily dumps liquor bottle back in desk drawer]


Roy! Thanks for coming in this morning to talk!

GUEST POST: “Down in Front!” -- The Idiot’s Guide to Not Being an Idiot at the Stadium


by Lee Porter

(Editor's Note: The views expressed below do not necessarily represent those of ZWR Publishing, LLC or its staff. I don't really care what you do at games, yo)

It’s October, and alas there are no postseason baseball games being played in Philadelphia this year, yet again. (I wish I had an image of “the Phanatic consoling me as I cry” to insert here.) They call baseball a “gentleman’s game,” and this past season, it struck me how many fans at baseball games (not just in Philly) act rather … un-gentlemanly, shall we say. I’m not talking about simply getting drunk at a game. If you can afford it, put down all the ten-buck beers you want (and buy me one, too, while you’re at it), as long as you behave. In fact, most of the clueless fans that made me scratch my head were dead-sober, family folk, who seemed more intent on experiencing games like visits to theme parks or malls than actually watching the games themselves. This same behavior (or lack thereof) is visible at basketball, football and hockey games, too.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

"Ozymandias" (2013 Phillies Season Recap)





I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: `Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed. And on the pedestal these words appear -- "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away.' 


Our Fondest Childhood Eagles Memories



Me and THE EVSTER from TV My Wife Watches Dot Blogspot Dot Com Slash Tilde Index Slash Blorg Posts About Television wrote a combo piece for Philly.com about our favorite Eagles memories. The Eagles stink so far, so it was a fun exercise.

CLICK HERE TO READ IT & ALSO PLEASE FACEBOOK AND RETWEET

Read it here

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