Wednesday, November 27, 2013

HAPPY THANKSGIVING from ZWR!!!


Hey kids I'm going to be traveling/sitting in DCA for fourteen hours today and tomorrow is food coma and then it's football weekend so I'm going to post my best wishes for a face-breaking holiday for you all now. Sooooooo, without any further ado, have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! 

LOL get it his name is Byrd

EDIT: ALSO, GO READ THIS RIGHT NOW IT'S HILARIOUS AND TOPICAL

Monday, November 25, 2013

WTF The M_ts? Srsly.






Thanks (I think) to TOC for being the first people I saw post this. 

Goodnight, Sweet Prince



/Ruben Amaro solemnly gazes at his iPhone 7, re-reading the devastating news for the fourth time in the past minute. His Blackberry buzzes on his hip. He attempts to compose himself, but as a lonely tear falls he's moved to whisper, "...and flights of angels sing thee thy to rest." 


Rich Dubee and Greg Gross Discuss the Cold


For those of you who love weather discussions and/or enjoyed this or this or this.

"How about this weather?"

"Freezing out there."

"Right? Damn near got frostbite on my nose."

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Phillies Hire Bob McClure, Pitching Coach



According to #Sources, the Phillies have finally hired a pitching coach, and it's pitching coach Bob McClure. I don't know a whole lot about Bob McClure other than he's been employed by a lot of professional baseball teams in his lifetime and he sounds like a Simpsons character.

Here's Jim Salisbury with the full details.


I can't rightfully take full credit for The Simpson gag, though:

Thanks for the inspiration, CAR LUNCHER. And welcome, the new Phillies DYNASTY.


Ryan Lawrence Makes an Excellent Point, Ruben Amaro Jr. Replies



"The Phillies will undoubtedly add a pitcher or three within the next 2 months. A Yahoo Sports report had the Phils linked to free-agent reliever Edward Mujica, an All-Star with St. Louis last year, writing that the team could sign the 29-year-old righthander to a 3-year deal as a potential setup man.

Given the Phillies' recent history of signing veteran relievers, that's not likely the smartest way to improve the pitching staff.

If the scouts recommending Mujica are the same who recommended Mike Adams, Chad Durbin, Danys Baez and Chad Qualls, perhaps Ruben Amaro Jr. should keep his money in his wallet and refocus on adding a pitching coach who can get the most out of a herd of young relievers already on the roster."

To you, Ruben.

Pic from Crossing Broad

ZWR Report Card: This Crap Poop (Spoiler - F) (Feat. 2Pac's Hit Em Up)



Hey kids, welcome back for the first installment of this one-part report card series in which I grade detestable human beings for being awful and writing reprehensible mounds of crap on their blogs. First up, this objectionable post by the cretins over at Crashburn Alley. Actually, don't even read it. Here's a summary:
"Roy Halladay was hurt so we're going to pile on and assault him because we are shady scuzzbuckets. Signed,
Bill, Paul, Ryan, Mark, and the other guy"

Ryan-- you can tell-- didn't even want to write this. To his credit, he penned the following:
"Roy Halladay loves baseball, cares more about baseball, and works harder at baseball than I have ever loved, cared about, or worked at any hobby or job in my life, or probably ever will. It’s bordering on profane for me to look at the seasons in which his body finally failed him, and give him some flimsy letter grade."

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

HEY YO GIRL - ZWR SHIRTS 15% OFF!!! (Plus some bonus ZWR in the Wild Action)


Oh snap! From November 19th (TODAY) through the 24th you can take 15% off everything by using the exclusive premiere executive coupon code WITHLOVE at the official ZWR T-Shirt Shop & Fashion Bodega.


Ohmygod I need ALL of those!

"But ZWR, what (besides looking amazing and winning over people's hearts obviously) are ZWR shirts good for?"

I'm glad you asked! Here are some examples, friend. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

BREAKING UPDATE: PHILS SIGN CHOOOOOOOCH










Eagles Week 11 Report Card


Editor's Note: Hi everyone Danger Guerrero cannot join us this week but he did send this video along as his contribution it's pretty great.


Quarterback
ZWR: I don’t want to be hyperbolic here, but Nick Foles is a straight up legit dopesauce bona-fide stud starter yo and that has nothing to do with the amazeballs make-your-own six pack I made at Wegman’s this morning and drank during the game. No, it’s all due to his performance. HEY SPEAKING OF WEGMAN’S, I refuse to go after 9am. We got there today at eight because WAH2.0 got up at 5:45 and the WAH was up at like 7 and it’s so much easier that time of day I mean if you go at 11 you’ve got a gaggle of yoga pants soccer moms just standing there in front of the yogurt (They're not yogurt pants!) as if nobody else needs to shop and you just want to shoot yourself in the face with a face-shooting gun MOVE IT BECKY this isn’t a social club it’s a grocery store grab some Chobani and get to stepping. GRADE: A



Philadelphia #Eagles: By the Numbers (#Analysis, #Stats)


* The Eagles have scored 276 points so far this season. That's eight more than 268.

* Jason Avant's 28 catches rank fourth on the team.



Friday, November 15, 2013

ZWR and Evan's Sports Annals Present The Official Ranking of the Best Athlete Named Ilkka in Philadelphia's History


Check the first installation in this series here


ZWR: Never in the history of Philadelphia has there been an athlete named Ilkka who captured the attention-- and hearts-- of its fans like former Flyer Ilkka Sinisalo. A native of Valkeakoski, Finland, Ilkka Antero Jouko Sinisalo played four seasons with Idrottsföreningen Kamraterna i Helsingfors of SM-liiga before joining the orange & black in 1981.



Thursday, November 14, 2013

LIKE MIKE (@meechone) - It's Gotta Be The Shoes



It had to be done.




Proud of this one...

Thanks to @notkerouac for the outstanding source material

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Sixers Game Recap



Tony Wroten had a triple-double, James Anderson scored 36 points, and Spencer Hawes dunked on Dwight Howard's big dumb head.

Gif courtesy of SBNation a Vox Media Company 

CLICK "READ MORE" TO SEE A LADY DANCING!

Love This Line from Dan Szymborski; Random Photoshop



Byrd + Option Year + Possibly Shopping Dom?


Monday, November 11, 2013

Eagles Week 10 Report Card (FIRST PLACE Edition)


Quarterback
ZWR: First off, happy Veterans Day everyone! Thanks to all of our veterans for being way more brave and selfless than I could ever be. No joke, I didn’t even try to help the guys in my “troop” when I played paintball that one time in college. So big ups.

Also, love you Veterans Stadium! Bro, too many memories to state. TOO. MANY. MEMORIES.



Sunday, November 10, 2013

Packers QB is Literally Throwing with Eyes Closed



Yeah that's a Wii thing bro

Caused a stir on Twitter, too. WOOT!



Chip Kelly Values Your Opinions


GIF by the amazing LSUFreek

Friday, November 8, 2013

Wes Chamberlain has a Book and You Should Totally Buy It. NOW.



@weschamberlain4



I received the above message yesterday from Mr. Wes Chamberlain, he of the 1990-1994 Philadelphia Phillies, to inform me (and you, presumably) about his newly (self-?) published (Kindle only?) biography/memoir, "IN THE GAME (Volume 1)."


VOLUME 1. That means there are more volumes in the works!

And it's only $19.99! That's LESS THAN $.11/PAGE, people.

Bonus points b/c the cover looks like those non-official baseball cards you'd get in a Post cereal box


I won't bore you with any formally prepared blurb from his publicist. Instead I'll just let Wes give you straight talk:
This book is to motivate, mentor and to be a testament to every one who reads it, so that you may be encouraged when things aren't going well with you or as planned in your life. If it can happen for me, why not you? We all need each other to succeed and to become successful; the proof is in the pudding.
BOOM, EXPLOSIVE TRUTH ORDINANCE DEPLOYED. Here's the full description from Amazon:
While growing up in the windy city of Chicago, you are presented with immeasurable opportunities on what you dream of becoming in life. From the Politicians to the Gangsters that operates the city. You had to learn how to improvise, adapt, and overcome every situation that you're challenged with at an early age. The Ida B. Wells was a community full of role models, which had every type of life, lesswons and influences to dream of whar and not to be when you grew up. Just like our amendments, the act of making such a change or alteration, if you don't like your situation, do something about it, to make it better.

 My question to you is simple. Is being a product of an extinct neighborhood good or bad? We all have our own opinions, and were all entitled to them. The purpose of telling my life story is to give to someone else, that which was given unto me. Freely I've recieved, so freely I shall give also. What type of products is your life producing? Some of us have many talents, (the jack of all trades) but still have not mastered any of them. We have to become certified with one talent at least, before we can administrate with the other talents. 
 Yes. YES. A thousand times, yes.

Do yourself a solid and grab a copy (Kindle only, I think?) here.

P.S. If any of my readers would like to purchase this and write a book report on it, I'll consider publishing it.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

ZWR and Evan's Sports Annals Present The Official Ranking of the Best Athlete Named Armen in Philadelphia's History


ZWR: A host of men have played for the Philadelphia 76ers. Many of them had names. Many had haircuts. None other were named Armen. None other had a Gumby fade.

"Dat Ass"

Monday, November 4, 2013

Eagles Week Nine Report Card


Hi everyone quick update Bobby Big Wheel and Danger aren't here this week. The former is at hedge fund tax shelter camp, the latter kayaking. 

Quarterback
ZWR: Nick Foles looked okay I guess. Grade: B

DEFCON 2



WE SHALL NOT DISCUSS THIS! YOU HEAR ME?:

Eat a butt, Lawrence

JESUS CHRIST, HAVE SOME DECENCY:
From the butt-eaters at MLBTraderumors.com

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Philadelphia Flyers Unveil New Logo



Hot on the heels of an embarrassing seven goal loss and amidst persistent denial that the organization has a "culture problem" the Philadelphia Flyers today announced, strangely, a brand new corporate identity.

"We feel this new logo represents what Philadelphia Flyers hockey is all about," said General Manager Paul Holmgren, barely holding off a yawn.

Reading a prepared statement dictator Ed Snider claimed, without a hint of irony in his voice, "This new, totally original and inspired identity best embodies our values as a club and  the rich tradition we put forth each time we take the ice. It will be a wonderful visual symbol for our fans to mindlessly rally around for years to come."




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