Friday, January 10, 2014

Basically the Best Opening Paragraph Ever

From this Inquirer article.

The rich got richer last week and the poor/middle-income people who buy the tickets sure would like to know what the rich plan to do with all that money. 

Wait what? There's so much going on here. First, I guess I hate when the rich get richer? But, I mean, that's kind of what businesses do. Do we want the Phillies to have fewer resources? I don't. Anyway, then we get to the income gap. Just, ummm, the income gap between individuals/consumers and ... a major league baseball team? If you're making the conscious decision to purchase baseball tickets, you're doing so for a host of reasons (a night out, entertaining others, you simply like the game)-- and it's actually one of the more informed purchases you can make what with the proliferation of media, analysis, and bolgs out there. As to fans- let's take the ticket buyers part out of this for a second- wanting to know what they're going to do: COME ON, BOB. No team in professional sports, any sport, tips its hand at upcoming moves. Even to poor and middle-income people.

What's going to happen to the Phillies payroll now that they have won baseball's version of Powerball on Steroids, which also goes by the name mega-billion-dollar deal with local regional sports network?

If a lottery was on steroids, wouldn't it just make all of the balls and the giant plastic bubble that the balls are in bigger? Wouldn't that be hilarious, what with normal size people drawing and announcing them? They'd be as big as boulders! The payout wouldn't be on steroids, the lottery itself is. Would the tickets be bigger, too? Imagine people leaving grocery stores with lottery tickets the size of PGA Tour checks! That would be amazing.  Why is the word "Steroids" capitalized? Is it also on steroids?

Ok bye.


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