Wednesday, January 15, 2014

ZWR and Evan's Sports Annals Present the Official Ranking of the Best Athlete Ever Named Tra Originally But Then William Later On in Philadelphia History

Past installments in this series can be found here, here, and here

There have been many offensive lineman on the Eagles. Many of them were drafted in the first round. Many were large and played in the ACC. But only one was originally named Tra but then later switched it to William and then finally settled on Tra again.

The Evster: For me, the conversation starts and ends with Tra Thomas. Pro Bowl lineman? Check. First name Tra? Double check. Changed name to William? Trés check. Then back to Tra? OMG you get the point do I have to keep on going?

ZWR: No, you do not. Tra Thomas is clearly the best.

The Evster: My wife’s boss’ kid is also named Tra (but I think he spells it Tré) and I recently had to explain to her that most Trés are actually Somebody Somebody the Third. Meaning they have the same name as their father and also their grandfather. Like Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. In this case, Tra Thomas is actually William Thomas the Third, although no one would ever write it out like that, they’d just put William Thomas III. Or Tra. Because let’s face it, you’re not going to become the Greatest Philadelphia Athlete Ever Named William Thomas when William Thomas was clearly a better William Thomas.

ZWR: That’s an excellent point, Evan. I loved Willie T. In a separate thought, I kind of feel bad that Tra had to defer the star tackle spotlight to Jon Runyan during his glory days, but that was a natural since Runyan: was white, had a goatee, and wore number 69. And now he’s a Congressman! Note: if you were curious as to Representative Runyan’s views on domestic energy policies and went to his website you’d be greeted by a stock photo of a light bulb.

The Evster: Did you know that William Thomas (THE William Thomas, not the William Thomas we’re supposed to be talking about) opened a pizza shop in Reading last year? It was called Willie T’s Quickstop 51 and I wrote “was” because it has since closed down and that makes me sad.

ZWR: This is a tough economic climate, and that is a pretty terrible name for a pizza shop. But I can see what William Thomas (not the subject of this post) was going for: Maximize your professional athlete cache. It’s just that nickname/pun/player number was pushing it too far. I mean, can you think of a good one of those? I can’t. Hexy’s Waffleboard Waffle Shack 27?

The Evster: I’d eat there. What about Jelly Bean’s Jelly Bean Shoppe 23.

ZWR: Hersey’s Hawk Nest of Printers & Printing Supplies 33

The Evster: Chuck Bagelnose Bednarik’s Bagel Barn 60

ZWR: Big Ben Rivera’s Fastball Dodge, Kia, & Mercury 34

The Evster: AMC Brian Plopp Propp’s Megaplex 26

ZWR: Okay that’s enough.

The Evster: Bye bye.

1 comment:

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