Saturday, February 22, 2014

ZWR EXCLUSIVE: A List of Other People the Phillies Have Ratted Out

As I'm sure you're all aware, the Phillies have come under fire in the past few days for (ALLEGEDLY) ratting out their fifth and sixth round draft picks to the NCAA after they couldn't come to contract agreements.

Matt Gelb is reporting that the Phillies will release a statement today, which I'm sure will be riveting, but in the meantime EXCLUSIVE ZWR sources have happened upon another list of people the Phillies have narced on in recent months, shedding a much more dramatic light on the inner-workings of the organization:
  • Some random Camry driver going 63 mph in a 55 zone
  • A South Philadelphia student borrowing his buddy's Netflix login
  • A 20 year old female college student enjoying a craft beer at her family reunion 
  • A 38 year old mom of three medical marijuana user that doesn't meet the clinical standards for anxiety
  • Some Manayunk pre-teens not wearing their bike helmets
  • A Montgomery County small business owner that wrote of his wife's car as a business vehicle
  • A bartender pouring one more drink at 2:02 a.m.
  • A 57 year old retiree with 12 items in the express lane (the apples count as separate items!)
  • The large restaurant chain owner that was stealing his employees' tips* 
 Way to go, Phillies! Keep on fighting the good fight. What's right is right. Rules are rules.

*oh wait nevermind that one was actually a good thing

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