Thursday, May 1, 2014

Paul Holmgren, POWER


INTERIOR - WELLS FARGO CENTER - NHL DRAFT

The arena is buzzing with excitement and energy, as the 2014 NHL Draft has finally arrived. Executives sit at tables crowding the floor where a short time ago there was ice. Prospects and their families wait with anticipation in the bleachers for the culmination of lifelong dreams with the announcement of their names. Mothers and sons will embrace, newly-minted players will exchange firm handshakes with general managers and owners on-stage. On that stage central to the festivities.


Suddenly the PA System blasts Kanye West's "Power". The building goes black. Paul Holmgren, unannounced, strides confidently to the podium, a single spotlight’s glare focused solely on his giant square head.


OOOOH HEEEEEEYY OOOH HEEEEEEYYYYYY OOOHHHHHHHHHH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY 


Paul Holmgren:
I'm living in the 1970’s doin' something mean to it
Do it better than any Bully you ever seen do it
Screams from the haters, got a nice ring to it
I guess every Super Homer need his theme music

No one man should have all that power
The clocks tickin' I just count the hours
Like Hartnell I'm tripping off the power

Adam Hall (in robot voice):
21st Century Orange Man

Paul Holmgren:
The system broken, the D stinks, Berube’s coachin’
We ain't got nothing to lose motherducker we rollin',
Huh? motherducker we rollin'
With some Brayden Schenns for K Yandle ROLLIN
In this center’s world he the one chosen
So goodnight TRAYDEN I'll see you in the mornin'
Huh? I see you in the mornin'
This is way too much, I need a moment.

No one man should have all that power
The clocks tickin' I just count the hours
Like Hartnell I'm tripping off the power
Till then, screw dat dis draft’s ours

Adam Hall (in robot voice):
21st Century Orange Man


Paul Holmgren:
F*** TSN and the whole cast
Tell them Heezy said they can kiss my whole *ss
More specifically they can kiss my *ss hole
I'm an *sshole? Just got Pietrangeloooooooo!
You short minded frog thoughts is Napoleon
My furs is Mongolian, Mason? I brought that goalie in
I embody every characteristic of the Snyderistic
He knows, he's so duckin' gifted
I just needed time alone, with my own thoughts
Just extended Lecavalier and Hartnell nine more years opened up the vault
My child-like creativity, purity and honesty is honestly being crowded by these grown thoughts
The salary cap is catching up with me, using Pronger for that long term relief
I honestly don’t even know what that means
As I look down at my ringless finger thinking that...

No one man should have all that power
The clocks tickin' I just count the hours
Like Hartnell I'm tripping off the powder
Till then, screw dat dis draft’s ours

Adam Hall (in robot voice):
21st Century Orange Man

Paul Holmgren:
Bouwmeester nooow, for Coburn hooow?
Traded every second round grade for the next generation
They say I was the abomination of Flyers nation
Well that's a pretty bad way to run an organ-EYE-zation.
At the end of the day goddamn it I'm killin' this ish
Guess who’s retired no more - Sandis Ozolinsh
Yzerman look confused am I done yeah he wish
I ain't got a power trip who Shea Weber going home with?
How Homer doin'? I'm Surviving
I was drinkin' earlier now I'm driving
We got eight defensemen, five centers, where the wingers hidin'?
thirty mill over the cap makin’ life so excitin'...

OOOOH HEEEEEEYY OOOH HEEEEEEYYYYYY OOOHHHHHHHHHH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY 

Kimmo Timonen:
Now this'll be a beautiful death
I'm jumping out the window
I'm Letting everything go
I'm Letting everything go

3 comments:

  1. Sandis Ozolinsh. Mind blown.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait I'm traded?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for introducing me to King Crimson!

    ReplyDelete

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