ZWR EXCLUSIVE: A LOOK INSIDE THE PHILLIES' TRADE DEADLINE WAR ROOM

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Another hot ZWR exclusive for you - a peak inside the Phillies' front office right now as we near the 4:00 p.m. MLB trade deadline. Looks like Ruben is working those phone lines! Keep it locked to ZWR for all your exclusive MLB trade deadline breaking news!

Oh... nevermind

One Comment Caused a TaleSpin

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Felt like doing an old school MS Paint today, y'all.

Ruben Works the Phones at the Trade Deadline

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/mumbling under his breath

Come on come on, pick up the damn phone, it’s July 29th for crissakes what is wrong with these idiots...I swear to God...

Roy Halladay Made My Monday

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Foreshadowing.

I hesitate to speak for all working stiffs, but Monday mornings have a tendency to eat eleven butts. They stink. I hate them so hard. And this week is going to be particularly painful for me at work, so I was extra grumpy when I woke up today.

Then I picked up my phone to look at the weather forecast and saw a text from my friend that just read, "ROY HALLADAY". I threw on my glasses, hopped on Twitter, and ...

Don't get me wrong still like zoo's! But I prefer penguins! pic.twitter.com/xtdT2P9qTd
— Roy Halladay (@RoyHalladay) July 28, 2014

zOMG yes plz. Why HLHIII is posting Photoshopped selfies at 2:00 AM is anybody's guess (For the record, I'm going with He stays awake 24 hours a day eating Oreos and ice cream and figuring out a way to big-game fish while piloting solo flights), but that one made my day and now I'm floooooooooaaaaaaaating into the work week. We're totally going to the zoo. One of these days. I think.

Thanks, Roy!

Ruben Amaro Jr. Anchors the Phillies on Family Feud

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My team! The Phillies Family looks like they're about to win some C-A-S-H money
booooyyyyyyy. Ruben, get on out here.

 

WOOOOOH! WHAT'S UP CEDRICK?!

 

Ruben. Take a breath. I've got some good news. Your teammate Pat-- Mr. Gillick--  KILLED IT! 

He left you with 182 points. You best not mess this up or I'll kick you in your behind.

Thursday NFL News Round-Up

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... 

Eagles OT Lane Johnson suspended four games for mistakenly taking prescription drug that is on league's banned substance list.

Ravens RB Ray Rice suspended two games for punching woman in face and dragging unconscious body across hotel floor.

...

Good Game, Let's Go Eat ... SOME 'SHROOMS

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Oh man remember when the Phillies were awesome at winning baseball games and won divisions and pennants and even World Series? Those were fun days, and one of the funner (srsly, I'm about to cry) themes in that embarrassment of riches was Hunter Pence's post-game quip, "Good game, let's go eat."

Welp, now Pence is on the Giants and they're good and we stink but for a moment last night we were reminded of that laugh (with a slight twist):

ZOINKS (h/t @shrimpcracker)

A closer view:

Yup.

Roy Halladay Loves Chase Utley (and Chooch)

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Roy Halladay just wrote a pretty epic love note to Chase Utley go read it but if you can't here is an executive summary image:

#26&chooch!
 

WHERE IS ROY HALLADAY?!?!?!?!

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So sometime overnight Roy Halladay (of whom the world's foremost website about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay-- I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay (www.zoowithroy.com)-- refers) tweeted this:

Quick Note there are a few time zones I might not be in yours! Nothing good happens after midnight!
— Roy Halladay (@RoyHalladay) July 22, 2014

That naturally got me to wondering where Roy could actually be. "Nothing good happens after midnight" and "time zones" ... the possibilities for location and activity are endless! Luckily, my sources were able to capture a few photos from Roy's night. Keep in mind that this likely only represents a small portion of the evening.

Well, he certainly is a baller. Checks out.

Esotericky Bottalico Checks In

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Happy (comma, no comma) Monday (period) (question mark)

MLB and FOX Sports Issue Statement

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In case you missed it, Ken Rosenthal reported late last night that MLB and FOX issued a joint statement addressing concerns of Tony Gwynn's exclusion from Tuesday's All-Star Game coverage. Below is the full statement:

Kid Captures Most Epic Selfie Ever, Wins Life

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This being the internet and all, you've probably seen this by now.

But in case you haven't, here's a kid from Omaha that captured the most epic selfie of all time:

WOW.

Roy Halladay Destroys Some Dork on Twitter

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Roy Halladay was (is still?) the best pitcher on earth, and now he's unequivocally the best tweeter on earth. There's no reason to be surprised by his dominating any pursuit (also reference: fishing & flying). So last night Roy did what Roy does-- he posted something awesome.

Look for this to go down in history as one of photography's most heralded pieces

Only, because humans are by nature wretched and unsalvageable, some donkey decided he was going to talk a little trash TO ROY FREAKING HALLADAY.

The Letter Lebron James Meant to Write

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(As told to Sports Illustrated)

Before anyone ever cared where I would play basketball, I was a kid from Northeast Ohio. It’s where I walked. It’s where I ran. It’s where I cried. It’s where I bled. It holds a special place in my heart. People there have seen me grow up. I sometimes feel like I’m their son. Their passion can be overwhelming. But it drives me. I want to give them hope when I can. I want to inspire them when I can. My relationship with Northeast Ohio is bigger than basketball. I didn’t realize that four years ago. I do now. Remember when I was sitting up there at the Boys & Girls Club in 2010? I was thinking, This is really tough. I could feel it. I was leaving something I had spent a long time creating. If I had to do it all over again, I’d obviously do things differently, but I’d still have left. Miami, for me, has been almost like college for other kids. These past four years helped raise me into who I am. I became a better player and a better man. I learned from a franchise that had been where I wanted to go. I will always think of Miami as my second home. 

Without the experiences I had there, I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing today. I went to Miami because of D-Wade and CB. We made sacrifices to keep UD. I loved becoming a big bro to Rio. I believed we could do something magical if we came together. And that’s exactly what we did! The hardest thing to leave is what I built with those guys. I’ve talked to some of them and will talk to others. Nothing will ever change what we accomplished. We are brothers for life. I also want to thank Micky Arison and Pat Riley for giving me an amazing four years. I’m doing this essay because I want an opportunity to explain myself uninterrupted. I don’t want anyone thinking: He and Erik Spoelstra didn’t get along. … He and Riles didn’t get along. … The Heat couldn’t put the right team together. That’s absolutely not true. I’m not having a press conference or a party. After this, it’s time to get to work. When I left Cleveland, I was on a mission. I was seeking championships, and we won two. But Miami already knew that feeling. Our city hasn’t had that feeling in a long, long, long time. My goal is still to win as many titles as possible, no question. But what’s most important for me is bringing one trophy back to Northeast Ohio. I always believed that I’d return to Cleveland and finish my career there. I just didn’t know when. After the season, free agency wasn’t even a thought. But I have two boys and my wife, Savannah, is pregnant with a girl. I started thinking about what it would be like to raise my family in my hometown. 

I looked at other teams, but I wasn’t going to leave Miami for anywhere except Cleveland. The more time passed, the more it felt right. This is what makes me happy. To make the move I needed the support of my wife and my mom, who can be very tough. The letter from Dan Gilbert, the booing of the Cleveland fans, the jerseys being burned -- seeing all that was hard for them. My emotions were more mixed. It was easy to say, “OK, I don’t want to deal with these people ever again.” But then you think about the other side. What if I were a kid who looked up to an athlete, and that athlete made me want to do better in my own life, and then he left? How would I react? I’ve met with Dan, face-to-face, man-to-man. We’ve talked it out. Everybody makes mistakes. I’ve made mistakes as well. Who am I to hold a grudge? I’m not promising a championship. I know how hard that is to deliver. We’re not ready right now. No way. Of course, I want to win next year, but I’m realistic. It will be a long process, much longer than it was in 2010. My patience will get tested. I know that. I’m going into a situation with a young team and a new coach. I will be the old head. But I get a thrill out of bringing a group together and helping them reach a place they didn’t know they could go. I see myself as a mentor now and I’m excited to lead some of these talented young guys. I think I can help Kyrie Irving become one of the best point guards in our league. I think I can help elevate Tristan Thompson and Dion Waiters. And I can’t wait to reunite with Anderson Varejao, one of my favorite teammates. But this is not about the roster or the organization. I feel my calling here goes above basketball. I have a responsibility to lead, in more ways than one, and I take that very seriously. My presence can make a difference in Miami, but I think it can mean more where I’m from. I want kids in Northeast Ohio, like the hundreds of Akron third-graders I sponsor through my foundation, to realize that there’s no better place to grow up. Maybe some of them will come home after college and start a family or open a business. That would make me smile. Our community, which has struggled so much, needs all the talent it can get. In Northeast Ohio, nothing is given. Everything is earned. You work for what you have. I’m ready to accept the challenge. I’m coming home.

Love, 
LeBron James, lebronjames.com

Why "Zoo With Paps" Could Never Work

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smdh

Hey Everyone @MensHumor is a Scab Pig Piece of Flaming Crap

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OKAY, LOOK. I know. Most enlightened Twitterers already know by now that @MensHumor is basically the worst thing ever and that its business model is built around stolen #content and plagiarism that they use to milk sweet sweet pay per click cash and ad/sponsorship revenue from their THREE POINT ONE MILLION EFFING FOLLOWERS.

But today, this scab pig shitbird of a Twitter account stole my Photoshop and I felt like ranting in a post about it. (Pageviews, amirite, Jonathan?! lol.)


At 4:40 pm:

New Brazilian flag #BRA #GER pic.twitter.com/qBUrDOHQJn
— Zoo With Roy (@zoowithroy) July 8, 2014

Then at 6:23 pm:

Brazil's new flag... pic.twitter.com/6Q3ZHK8hgc
— Men's Humor (@MensHumor) July 8, 2014

LOL GREAT TWEET, JERKFACE! 

OH AND I'M TOO QUICK FOR YOU MENS HUMOR YOU SLEEZY CREEPS, I TOOK A SCREENSHOT IN CASE YOU END UP DELETING THE TWEET:

IS NOTHING SACRED? CAN A (HANDSOME) PENGUIN ON TWITTER NOT PHOTOSHOP A SACRED NATIONAL SYMBOL IN A HUMILIATING, JINGOISTIC MANNER AND NOT HAVE IT STOLEN BY ALREADY-RICH VULTURES FOR SHEER PROFIT WITHIN 120 MINUTES? WOULD IT KILL THESE JACKALS TO JUST RT MY ACCOUNT. HELL, EVEN A CC: WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT. NOT THAT I WANT ANY OF THE UNINFORMED MISCREANT JORT WEARING DUNG CHUGGING METS FANS THAT FOLLOW MENS HUMOR FOLLOWING ME. BUT STILLLLLLLLLLLL 

ugh

MEDIA ALERT 
PLEASE USE THIS (MODIFIED) VERSION OF THE PIC IF YOU PLAN TO LINK TO THIS POST 

UPDATE - JUSTICE!!!!

Thank you thousands of Twitterers and the BBC and The Guardian and Keith Law and Drew Carey.

Original tweet that @MensHumor sent uncredited RT @zoowithroy: New Brazilian flag #BRA #GER pic.twitter.com/EFozCQW0Kj
— Drew Carey (@DrewFromTV) July 9, 2014

I wish I could say I was shocked that @menshumor stole an image made by @zoowithroy without permission, but content theft is all they do.
— keithlaw (@keithlaw) July 8, 2014

OMG TIME MAGAZINE HAHAHAHA EAT SO MANY BUTTS, MEN'S HUMOR

ESPN the Magazine Reveals SHOCKINGLY NSFW "Body Issue" Cover

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WARNING - THIS POST MAY BE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME BOLG READERS. 

CLICK THE LINK BELOW AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED.

Is LeBron James Hinting About His Destination? A FORENSIC ANALYSIS

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I don't want to make extravagant claims here, but I do have a track record with this exact situation. LeBron James is once again a free agent, and I've once again taken to reading the tea leaves. Well, it's more analogous to say I've taken to reading the hints left in the faintest trails of the tea leaves. On with it, Z.

Seems pretty benign, right? In a vacuum, maybe. But there's more...

Esotericky Bottalico Checks In

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A pleasant Monday to you.

Sources: Roy Halladay to Help Jesse Biddle

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Roy Halladay is a magnanimous, selfless leader of men. Despite a level of achievement that could easily lend itself to the most heightened extremes of arrogance, HLHIII is as good of a person as he was a pitcher. In my unbiased opinion, he is this nation's finest athlete. As such, the note filed by my colleague in professional journalism Matt Gelb should not come as a surprise:

Jesse Biddle, who was placed on inactive list for mental break, is in Clearwater. Roy Halladay will meet with prospect.
— Matt Gelb (@magelb) July 1, 2014

That's right. Roy Halladay, who isn't an employee or coach of the Phillies and owes the team absolutely nothing, is volunteering to meet with Jesse Biddle and help the youngster with some of his recent mental struggles. That he's doing this is pretty amazing, that its to tutor the emotional side of things and not simply check an arm angle or release point makes it-- pardon my being naive-- seem even kinder.

Further face-breaking from our hero. I can't wait until Jesse Biddle strikes out the first 34 batters he faces upon his return and wins the Cy Young next year.

YOUR #USA VS. #BEL CLINT DEMPSEY PHOTOSHOP IS SERVED

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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Subtle humor is the best

I'm kind of pretty good at this. Check out:
Ghana jawn
Portugal jawn (I never actually bolged this sorry bro it was the freakin weekend)
Germany jawn