Friday, February 28, 2014

A Very Special Academy Awards Photoshop Preview



And now, the nominees for Best Picture at the 86th Annual Academy Awards:











BONUS PIC


Thursday, February 27, 2014

BWAHAHAHAHAHA Marlins President is First Person Voted Out on Survivor


A new season of Survivor debuted last night at 8 PM Eastern, and before 9 PM Eastern Marlins president David Samson was the first person voted off (among those who outlasted him are: ex-cheerleader, Miss Kentucky Teen USA, and male model). Samson kicked off his (very) brief stint on the the show by ostracizing himself from his strongest tribe-mate, created a fractured alliance, and then got completely blind-sided when said faulty alliance didn't at all adhere to his plan of voting out a woman named J'Tia at the first tribal council. Who'd have thunk it-- the Marlins failing?

Also, this couldn't have helped his cause:


At least Super Pumped Marlins Fan Guy is taking it in stride:


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

BACHCAP TWO PART SPECIAL TWO PART SPECIAL POST


Hey there kids. The Bach brought it with two episodes this week, so Evan, Sara, and I decided to recap both and then drop this OMNIBUS BOLG POST on your big dumb faces. It even gets pretty heated in part two, when we disagree on the efficacy of Andi's ridiculousness.

PART ONE - MONDAY NIGHT’S EP

Nikki’s dad is a dork - discuss
ZWR: OMG Nikki’s dad is a dork. I don’t like any father on that show who’s all, “well yeah sure you boinked a chick in the ocean last Thursday and then made out with fourteen chicks in the hot tub this weekend but I’d be thrilled if you proposed to my idiot daughter you fame whore.” Seriously, have some dignity.

Sara Circs: A dork? I guess so. In the Circs household we could conclude nothing more than that his hair screamed “I hate the gays.”

ZWR: Good point, Bazooka Mom. His hair was pretentious.

Evster: Standing up to give a toast in your own house? OMG get over yourself, dude. This isn’t Knots Landing.

ZWR: Good point, Evster. That was obnoxious.

Listen to me, kid. I will own you. I don't take crap from anybody.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

AJ Burnett's Arrival in Clearwater


Long-time ZWR contributor Matt sent along the following note with accompanying picture. I think we can all agree that it's rather relevant to our interests.

I captured this candid image on AJ Burnett's first day with the team in Florida. It went down just as I had suspected. I don't know why he had Dean Ween in his hand, but the rest seemed like a normal Phillies welcome.

I hope this email finds you and your family well.

I mean, because of course

Monday, February 24, 2014

Sixers v Bucks in Pictures & Tweets










Sammy Watkins Shines at NFL Scouting Combine


ZWR sources were impressed by Clemson wide receiver Sammy Watkins, who was unofficially clocked in at 4.34 and 4.37 seconds respectively in his two attempts at the 40 yard dash. NFL.com later provided an updated "official" time of 4.43 seconds for Watkins. Incredibly impressive, the posted time trails that of leader Roy Halladay by 0.37 seconds.


Saturday, February 22, 2014

ZWR EXCLUSIVE: A List of Other People the Phillies Have Ratted Out




As I'm sure you're all aware, the Phillies have come under fire in the past few days for (ALLEGEDLY) ratting out their fifth and sixth round draft picks to the NCAA after they couldn't come to contract agreements.

Matt Gelb is reporting that the Phillies will release a statement today, which I'm sure will be riveting, but in the meantime EXCLUSIVE ZWR sources have happened upon another list of people the Phillies have narced on in recent months, shedding a much more dramatic light on the inner-workings of the organization:
  • Some random Camry driver going 63 mph in a 55 zone
  • A South Philadelphia student borrowing his buddy's Netflix login
  • A 20 year old female college student enjoying a craft beer at her family reunion 
  • A 38 year old mom of three medical marijuana user that doesn't meet the clinical standards for anxiety
  • Some Manayunk pre-teens not wearing their bike helmets
  • A Montgomery County small business owner that wrote of his wife's car as a business vehicle
  • A bartender pouring one more drink at 2:02 a.m.
  • A 57 year old retiree with 12 items in the express lane (the apples count as separate items!)
  • The large restaurant chain owner that was stealing his employees' tips* 
 Way to go, Phillies! Keep on fighting the good fight. What's right is right. Rules are rules.



*oh wait nevermind that one was actually a good thing


Thursday, February 20, 2014

Snitches Get (Baseball) Stitches? My Column:




ZWR sources are reporting on The Good Phight's reporting and Hardball Talk's reporting on Baseball America's Aaron Fitt's reporting that it's possible the Phillies may have reported (but in a different way) a former draft pick to the NCAA for using an agent in draft negotiations. There are no new details to report at the moment. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

BACHCAP Week Seven: "Luke at me. We gonna have sex now, ‘kay?"


Hey guys, what’s up?
Evster: Holy moley. I just finished watching tonight’s ep and was so blown away by the “Scenes from the Next” that I filled my pants with (poop). What could’ve possibly happened in that fantasy suite? Did Juan Pabs fill his pants with (poop)? I think he might’ve filled his pants with (poop). It is honestly amazing that every baby in this stupid world constantly fills their pants with (poop).

ZWR: Hey Evster, I hate to give such a crude answer here, and I’ma let Sara Circs have her customary spot after you in a minute, but when I saw that my immediate response was he tried to, ummmmmm, you know, put …. his thing ….. there … unannounced.

Sara Circs: Sure Zoo, that’s where the rational mind goes, but this is a family show. There’s no way they’re letting us in on that or treating it like that and honestly I’m probably taking your answer way too seriously but I want to be clear that it did cross my mind. Hey guess what! I made Nestle Tollhouse cookies last night. That really is a classic recipe. Anyway, I obviously want to believe something scandalous happened in the F.S. with Andi, but I bet it was just something like she said she loved him and he didn’t say it back. Which ALWAYS happens on this show so she shouldn’t be so stupid. Other more likely option is that he referred to her by a racial slur.

ZWR: Andi, “I love you.” JuanPabs, “Thanks Jewbag!” (Editor's Note: The Evster is Jewish and gave me permission to say that!)



Monday, February 17, 2014

Roy Halladay: Magnanimous, Kind, Thoughtful Hero


Though some have joked about AJ Burnett taking Roy Halladay's number 34, ZWR fanboy Ryan Lawrence confirms what we all likely suspected-- that our hero handled this situation with selfless grace. Roy Halladay, what a guy! From the linked article:
After the deal was finished, Halladay did give Burnett something: The former Phillie offered his blessing to his ex-teammate to take his No. 34, a number Burnett has worn most of his pro career as well as in high school.



Sunday, February 16, 2014

zOMG Yes Please My #TJOshie Pic Was on Good Morning America (#GMA)


Thanks to ZWR enthusiast Matt for capturing this. It's absurd. Oh, and thanks to Good Morning America for posting a picture of a tweet of a St. Louis Blues player taking a snap shot while riding a bald eagle in front of a majestically waving American flag on major network television. USA! USA! USA!


An Awkward Moment in Clearwater



Pretty sure this is how things went down this morning at the Brighthouse Baseball Megaplex:


Saturday, February 15, 2014

T.J. OSHIE FOR THE WIN U-S-A U-S-A #BALDEAGLE #USA #OSHIE



Through Bobrovsky's legs, and onward towards destiny.



UPDATE: SB Nation with an Important Clarification



Thursday, February 13, 2014

Some Phillies Valentine's E-Cards!



Previous P-Card posts here:
  1. June 2012
  2. January 2013
  3. March 2013

If you're a human in America, and I know you are, chances are you're buried in a billion feet of snow right now. But that's no reason to be glum! Valentine's Day is tomorrow!

And since I know you're not getting out of the house today to buy that last minute card, I took the liberty of making some loving expressions for you to share with your significant other to let them know you care.

So enjoy! And share these with your friends and loved ones. Or Cecily Tynan.



I KNOW, RIGHT? But wait, there's more!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

BREAKING: PHILS SIGN BURNETT





BACHCAP WEEK SIX


Just like the Olympics, this one's tape-delayed. Don't worry, Evan, Bazooka Mom, and I put in a gold medal performance. 

Did you stay awake the whole ep?
ZWR: Nope. I’m so old. Also, I only watched it during Olympics commercials or crappy athlete profiles. That said, I did see JuanPabs rolling down hills in inflatable, wet balls with the girls all in bikinis and LET ME TELL YOU I sure respected the ladies during that segment.

Evster: Nope. I’m even older. Also, I only watched it in between the Olympics and the Westminster Dog Show. That said, I did see Andi flaunting her cannonball butt and LET ME TELL YOU I love a butt that you can eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich off of.

Sara Circs: Yes! I can’t remember anything that happened.


My Favorite Olympic Moments So Far


So special.

Beeeeeg Airs

Whatever

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

LOLSIXERS


Original photos from Philly.com


Topical (Yet Philly) Photoshop Submission


ZWR enthusiast B-Rad loves working Angry Booing Eagles Fan into things-- here's proof. Luckily for us, Mr. Rad is still at it.

Clockwise from bottom: Ashley Wagner, Will Forte, Angry Booing Eagles Fan, Pretty Girl From Sochi, Shoulder

Monday, February 10, 2014

zOMG - A True Olympic Hero


This photo may have been slightly altered.

Originally brought to my attention... 

Sixers Looking Good




No srsly...


Friday, February 7, 2014

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

August 8, 2014 - Roy Halladay Bobble Head Night


I already broke the ZWR exclusive that the Phillies will be inducting Charlie Manuel into (onto?) their Wall of Fame on August 9th. The team also announced that as part of Alumni Weekend they'll be giving out Roy Halladay bobbleheads on August 8th. Single-game tickets go on sale February 13-- be sure to get yours.

Oh, and hopefully the bobble heads look better than THIS ONE DID.

Esotericky Bottalico Checks In


Gets one to thinking.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

BACHCAP WEEK FIVE


Hey yo let's do this thing Bazooka Mom and Evan.

Girl most likely to not know that we ever had a war with Vietnam.
Evster: I’m gonna go with Camilla. She seems sweet and all -- and I love that she’s studying foreign languages -- but I just don’t think she’s much of a history buff. I’m also not sure if she can put on her own socks.

ZWR: Totally Cassandra. She’s like 17 years old and kids these days don’t give a butt about history.

Sara Circs: Yeah, I’m not sure why...I CAN’T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON WHY...but something about this “which girl is the dumbest" theme strikes me as sexist. I’m not sure why! Mayyyyybe it’s because of the implication that at least some of these girls must be dumb because they’re hot? Or because they’re girls? Or because they’re hot girls and men don’t mind if women are dumb as long as they’re hot? Hey, what do you guys think I should have for breakfast?

ZWR: Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch. And chill bro I think JUANPABS is a moron, too. And if this were the Bachelorette, we’d be talking about how stupid all of the bros are, because EVERYONE in this franchise is a Grade-A dummy.


Evster: Also these women are stupid.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

ZWR In The Wild: Ethiopia Edition


ZWR Enthusiast Peace Corps Joe (no lie, that's the name on his emails) sent along the following note and pics. I think we can all agree that he straight up rules.

Hey Dude,

A while back I promised some pics of me wearing a donkey shirt and posing with donkeys. Well, I think I finally landed a shot worthy of sending. Five friends (also Peace Corps Volunteers) and I just got back from an epic five day trek to the highest peak in Ethiopia (and 4th, 9th, or 10th highest in Africa, depending on who you ask), Ras Dashen. I brought along my ZWR donkey shirt and retro Phils hat, in case of a photo op. It came. The first pic is me posing by a donkey on the pass to Ras Dashen. The second is me at the summit, somewhere around 14,450 feet. Enjoy.

zOMG yes please thank you Joe I hope you got to meet Simba!!!

Look at that donkey!
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