The crack team of statisticians and donkey quants here at ZooWithRoy.com have spent literally thousands of man hours crunching the numbers and running the algorithms through our simulation supercomputers in order to bring you this shockingly simple flowchart.
Seriously, you won't believe how much work actually went into this:
As I'm sure you all saw, Taney got totally screwed over by the home plate umpire and Donovan McNabb last night, both of whom are entirely to blame for the loss. Don't fret, though-- our heroes still have hope! The Dragons have an elimination game tonight against the Jackie Robinson West squad, of Chicago. This Chicago team is actually very likable, and the kids seem great, but I still thought it helpful to my readership to provide an objective Tale of the Tape comparing the two cities America will see pitted against each other this evening. Here you go!
As you may have heard by now, the scrappy upstart Taney Dragons play the evil "West" team from Las Vegas in the Little League World Series tonight at 7:30 p.m. I hereby declare it your duty as a Philadelphian/Pennsylvanian/Northeasterner/East Coast resident/human to root them on. Brotherly Love vs. Sin City? I mean seriously, folks.
I also implore you to get the picture above tattood on your chest while the Rocky theme plays in the background. LET'S GO TANEYYYYYYYY
Hey kids, it’s me- ZWR- of I Went to the Zoo with Roy Halladay, the world’s foremost bolg about having gone to the zoo with former Phillies ace and future Hall of Famer Roy Halladay (you can find us online at zoowithroy.com).
As you’re well aware, my fantasy football primers have always served you best when preparing for your totally important and not at all annoying to hear about fantasy football drafts/leagues. Well get ready to dominate this year, because it’s baaaaack!!!
Lots of folks have asked that I provide a recap of my trip to the zoo with Roy. Dude of course I'm going to provide a recap of my trip to the zoo with Roy Halladay.
Thing is (and I'm not exaggerating here), the whole morning was such a surreal blur, and I was so in awe of the moment, that I'm not sure how detailed a description of it all can be. But I'll do my best. Here are some of the more face-breaking bits and the stuff I think you donkeys would most appreciate:
Roy kept us waiting for a short while and just as we started to get anxious enough to the point where we were wondering whether he’d even show up, he suddenly appeared in the Zoo Balloon, blew a loud conch shell to signal his arrival, threw a rope over the side and then rappelled down military-style into the parking lot below.
It was amazing.
Just kidding. In typical humble style, Roy actually met us in the parking lot all by himself in a rented gold Chevy Malibu (yes please).
After more than four years, 1,800+ bolg posts, and countless silly indulgences surrendered to in the name of “being ZWR” … I’m incredibly proud to say that at approximately 10:00 a.m. this morning I went to the zoo with Roy Halladay! (Editor’s Note: I’m scheduling this post on Thursday evening since technically I’ll be at the freaking zoo with Roy Halladay on Friday morning when it actually posts, so if he ends up ditching it will be pretty embarrassing so please kindly just disregard this post and pretend it never happened). Seriously, look for photo proof on my Twitter before continuing, for the sake of my dignity.
--- I understand that as far as bolg ledes go, the one above is quite the facebreaker, so I’ll allow you a moment if you want to go back and re-read it a seventh time--
Tweet In the far reaches of space, an inter-galactic baseball general manager finds himself against all odds in an attempt to defend his battle-tested but expensive roster of stars from over-aggressive rival GMs.