Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Eagles Week Four Report Card (brought to you by Life cereal)


Quarterback
ZWR: Who am I to judge Nick Foles when he had every right to literally fear for his long-term health each time the team called a passing play? “Oh cool, a slow-developing corner route to Brent Celek that should be fun I’m sure the intern at right guard will handle Justin Smith for eight seconds can’t wait really excited.”

Bob Stanton/USA Today Sports

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A Heartfelt Goodbye to Kyle Kendrick



It's an emotional time for Major League Baseball and its franchises right now. As all involved with the game prepare for the excitement of the postseason, their hearts and minds bow with tribute to one who won't even be involved in it. But that doesn't lessen the impact this man has had on organizations from Philadelphia to Tokyo.

Please join Zoo With Roy in tipping our cap to a legend who won't be forgotten this fall, even as our team goes about its business of preparing for the busy holiday season and throwing money at the wrong over-priced Cuban defectors.

Think of it as our version of #RE2PECT.



Monday, September 22, 2014

Eagles Week Three Report Card vs. Redskins


Quarterback
ZWR: My boy Nicky Foles with the defining "man up" game bro was out there with no offensive linemen and a concussed running back and one functioning arm and put up 37 (well 30 I guess but you know what I mean besides he probably gave Chris Polk a pep talk) suck it haters and dweebs talking about leaving points on the board you're nuts. Grade A++++++


Jason Peters: The Greatest American Hero



From www.reddit.com/r/Eagles

As you already know by now, Jason Peters has officially achieved Philadelphia hero/legend/mayor status for coming to Nick Foles' defense after scab pig accused felon Chris Baker de-cleated the quarterback in one of the dirtiest plays of all time. 

So naturally I made some Photoshops:







(EAGLES REPORT CARD COMING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON...)

Jason Peters: Hero. Emmanuel Acho: Sick Burner.


Jason Peters Philadelphia legend and hero for life.

.gif from this Reddit


Also, giant high five to reserve linebacker Emmanuel Acho for tweeting out this picture yesterday (his version had awful borders so it would look like butt if I embed it here so I'm just putting in the pic and no I don't know if he actually made it)



Also, well played South Park.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Eagles Week Two Report Card


This is Craney's contribution (no srsly):




Quarterback
ZWR: Nick Foles had over 300 yards passing despite a host of drops and it still seemed he should have had more than 400 with his own mistakes eliminated and he runs slower than me in ski boots but he got the job done when it mattered so I’m not going to complain today let’s keep it positive. Grade B


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

This Should Hold You Over (SPROLES GIFS)


Week Two Report Card will be up tomorrow. Just look at these for the next 24 hours (like, continuously).

SOURCE: SB NATION (who won't hire me to bolg full-time because they're scab pigs).






Monday, September 15, 2014

Here's Jonathan Papelbon Literally Groping Himself



Not satisfied with the huge success of The Papelbra®, Paps and the Phillies are now offering a full line of complete, sensual, celebration wear:



Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Eagles Week 1 Report Card vs. Jaguars



"Report cards are a tragic misstep in bolg evolution."


Alright alright alright. HELLO and welcome to another season of ZWR Eagles Report Cards--the most comprehensive and insightful football analysis on the entire planet. This season I’ve taken great pains to assemble a crack team of quasi-Twitter celebrities, football analyzers and teenagers:

  1. Cranekicker (CK) - I’m listing him first just to point out the fact that he barely even bothered contributing this week.
  2. Danger Guerrero (DG) - he of Phillies High and Warming Glow fame
  3. Hardinger  - he’s a dumb teenager and college student. I have no idea why he bothers with this. He’s also co-founder of Philly Complex, I think
  4. The Evster - a lunatic that writes for The700Level
  5. Dr. Pizza MD - a guy that makes real t-shirts

Note: Sorry for this being posted on a Tuesday but honestly look at all these people I have to manage honestly you’re lucky this got posted at all


Friday, September 5, 2014

Comprehensive Eagles v. Jaguars Preview



OKAY. The Jaguars stink, and the Eagles are like 10 point favorites, so we really don't even need to write much about this matchup, or how our opponent features Chad Henne at quarterback, do we?

HOWEVER, what we definitely do need to do is make a lot of stupid .gifs. For that, you'll probably want to bookmark the utterly amazing Madden Giferator:











 


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