Thursday, October 30, 2014

Congratulations!!!



(AP Photo / David J Phillip)

Congratulations to Hunter Pence on another World Series win as arguably the best position player on his team. Hey, while I'm here ...

Congratulations to Jarred Cosart on winning 13 games this season.

Congratulations to Jon Singleton on making the show, signing that long-term contract, and hitting 13 home runs in 95 games as a rookie.

Congratulations  to Domingo Santana on making the All-Star Futures Game (oops, I think I put that in by accident).


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Eagles Week Eight Report Card


Quarterback
ZWR: Here’s an unsolicited suggestion for Nick Foles: throw a ball where you’re not falling backwards and/or sideways. In fact, step forward while you throw. Just try it once. Also, ignore what they say and just run a frigging quarterback sneak. Grade: Just try it.

Image via Jeff McLane

Saturday, October 25, 2014

ZWR Helps You with What to Wear this Weekend



"Mr. With Roy, I've got a huge weekend of sports watching ahead of me, most of which requires me to wear a shirt. As a purveyor of fashion forward apparel, could you kindly recommend some selections please? Kthnx." 


Surely. For tonight's Penn State v. Ohio State game you should go with "Video Game Penn State Guy":


Thursday, October 23, 2014

RIP Chris Kunitz (Murdered by a Kitty)



You just hate to see something like this happen.



BONUS: RKO!
I actually have no idea what RKO is but everyone said they wanted it and Fake Lavy made this Vine enjoy:



If you like making fun of the Penguins as much as I do, you might also enjoy this ZWR Photoshop Classic.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Best Athlete Ever Named Nazr in Philadelphia History



ZWR and Evan's Sports Annals Present the Official Ranking of the Best Athlete Ever Named Nazr in Philadelphia History

by ZWR & The Evster
 
Past installments in this series can be found here, here, here, and here

Screenshot courtesy of basketball-reference.com

There have been many 76ers from the University of Kentucky. Almost all of them have had names. But only one captured the hearts of the Philadelphia fanbase while also being named Nazr.


Way more after the "jump!"

Monday, October 20, 2014

Thursday, October 16, 2014

BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: Eagles Team Photo Now in the Museum of Art!



You know a team is popular when its quick-minded coach can make a simple joke about their hastily shot team photo not being a work of art, and then the actual major curator of art in that city goes ahead and displays that exact photo in their hallowed halls for social media daps.


Boom. Great work all around.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

It's Official: The New York Giants HATE America



Earlier today a Facebook reader provided this photo of basically the entire NY Giants roster blocking the pathway of the heroic men and/or women providing the color guard before Sunday Night's total annihilation.

A disgusting, classless, downright America-hating act, I'd say:

Click for maximum bigness or if you want to do your own analysis

Naturally I immediately sent this photo off to my forensics lab for detailed analysis so that we might identify these evil-doers and rightfully shame them publicly. Here's what they came back with:
  1. #38 Trumaine McBride - he's probably backing up in this photo for maximum impedence to our freedoms
  2. Anonymous commie scab pig "coach" - probably not even a real coach, just a plant from the Illuminati to destroy the nationalistic fiber of our once great country. Or maybe he taught Tiki Barber how to be a scumbag. But really, the Giants, good thing you employ this man to teach your players proper habits. 
  3. Scab pig player who is really tall and who's number starts with 8-. I don't want to recklessly speculate, and I want to assume it's Larry Donnell since he made me lose in fantasy football a couple weeks ago, but he didn't wear long sleeves for the game. Nor did Rueben Randle or Daniel Fells. Preston Parker is short. That leaves either Adrien Robinson or Corey Washington. Both seem capable of this deplorable behavior.
  4. #29 Michael Cox (YEAH HE IS)
  5. Assistant Mullet Coach, Mullet McGee (possibly Larry Izzo). Nice hair, guy.
  6. Plaxico Burress - known felon. Or whichever guy isn't Number 3.


AND THERE'S MORE!
The same heroic Facebook reader also provided this picture of Charlie the Hero, proving once and for all that the NY Daily News is a sensationalist, scab pig organization hell bent on destroying our country from the inside:

Don't let them drag you down, Charlie. We know the real truth.



Charlie May Be an Even Bigger Hero Than We Think


We all saw the debacle of a cover from the New York Daily News yesterday that tried to portray Eagles employee Charlie as celebrating Victor Cruz's injury. Most recognized it as crap, and noted how Charlie actually was praying for Cruz once he realized the receiver was hurt. I even made a face-breaking photoshop to mock the absurdity of it all:

omg ZWR you rule

Well, here's some more info that hints at just how good of a guy he is. According to this caller to the Jon and Sean Show (go to the 1:51 mark) Charlie

TOOK A WEEK-LONG LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK TO VOLUNTEER IN NEW YORK CITY AFTER SEPTEMBER 11

I'll try to get some more info on this, but I wanted it out there because what that newspaper did to this man is wrong.

Eagles Week Six Report Card


Quarterback
ZWR: If you take away those two frighteningly inexcusable gift-wrapped pick sixes that could have swung the game if the Giants capitalized then I think Nick Foles looked okay. Grade: B

LOL sick burn

Friday, October 10, 2014

The Eagles Suit Up for Sunday Night Football






Interior, Lincoln Financial Field, Sunday Night...


Hey everyone, it’s game time! 

Let’s put on these sweet new all black uniforms!

Sweeeeet!!!

Eagles Double Feature + PUMP UP VIDEOS



Thanks to ZWR enthusiast Ben G. for the source material


BONUS PUMP UP VIDEOS:





Thursday, October 9, 2014

The New York Giants - Good at Math



Ummm...


Comprehensvie Opponent Profile: Eli Manning, NY Giants



Scouting Profile: Manning, E.

Position: QB 

Know for: being not Peyton, throwing near-historic volume of interceptions, miraculously winning Super Bowls on throws dumber and worse than the ones you used to make playing two-hand touch in the Mummers Museum parking lot only Jay and Stash couldn't catch with the sides of their heads, having a ridiculous face

Projected stats vs. Eagles secondary before this post: 372 yards passing, 4 touchdowns, 1 interception, over/under 1.5 total sackfaces

Projected stats vs. Eagles secondary after this post: 649 yards passing, 82 yards rushing, 6 touchdowns, 2 interceptions, over/under 1.5 total sackfaces  

Tattoos: "Thug Life" across abdomen (recently inked in Comic Sans?);  poorly drawn "pectoral" portrait of Giants scrub David Tyree with caption "My Boo"




OOOOOH ZWR THAT'S SO FUNNY I CAN CRY!!!


RIP David Wilson now playing Calvinball in the sky

BONUS PROMOTIONAL CONTENT: don't forget to pick up an EAGLES TRASH CAN (!) from your friendly neighborhood e-commerce behemoth



Wednesday, October 8, 2014

My Favorite Photo from This Morning's Eclipse



As you are well aware, the NASA engineer who landed Curiosity on Mars is a huge Zoo With Roy fan. I've cultivated this relationship with Allen, and on occasion call in a favor. This morning was one of those times-- I asked for some super high-res, perfect conditions type photos of the lunar eclipse. Man, he didn't disappoint.

Check for yourself:

Nature can be so humbling.

Week Five Report Card and Giants Week Six Preview


Hey kids ZWR here sorry for the delay I was traveling on Monday and didn’t get the Google Doc out to the team until Tuesday morning I’ve got to do a better job there and put the team in a better position to win. Since we're so close to the next game we decided to fold in an exhaustive preview of the Giants. Time’s yours. 


Quarterback
ZWR: That Nick Foles slide/dive/doofbomb gave me as much pause as any missed throw or bad read during the game. I mean, this man is paid to be a professional athlete and he couldn't just slide in a big open field without tipping over and dropping the football and then getting his arm caught backwards behind the back of his head! TBQH it was pretty funny. Grade: DOOFBOMB

DG: Nick Foles might be the least athletic professional athlete I’ve ever seen, non-baseball division. Did you know he has more combined fumbles and interceptions than touchdowns so far this year? That’s a stat! I looked it up and everything! Take that, Paul Krugman. Grade: C

Hardingererer: The Eagles are 4-1. There’s a very defensible argument to be made to start Mark Sanchez. Both of these things are true. Grade: C-

The Evster: After Rex Ryan benched his starting quarterback on Sunday, I fully expected his backup to leap over six guys and throw a 74-yard touchdown pass to an actual jet on the very first play. After the first series -- which consisted of a handoff, a sack, and an incomplete pass to the Special Teams Coordinator -- I began to understand why Nick Foles is our quarterback. Grade: B-

Doc Pizza: haha you guys didn’t listen. You REFUSED to listen. I told you Nick Foles stunk and you called me an idiot. “I'm going to keep this objective, Dr. Pizza, but go screw your face that’s so dumb,” ZWR said to me after I called out Nicky in Week 3. Zoo, I want my apology handwritten in green ink and also notarized. The guy is a stinker, plain and simple. Grade: FFFFF

GIANTS PREVIEW: 


Thursday, October 2, 2014

A Thought on the Phils' Interest in Cuban Prospect Yasmani Tomas



"You know, someone once told me time is a flat circle. Everything we've every done or will do, we're gonna do over and over and over again."

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

INFOGRAPHIC: The Last Time the Phillies Made the Playoffs...


During last night’s A’s v Royals broadcast they flashed a graphic that reflected just where society was the last time our friends from Kansas City were involved in a postseason affair. 

This had me wistfully recalling when our heroes would play Fall baseball. Let’s take a walk down memory lane. 

Prepare to be SHOCKED: 
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