Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Roy Halladay Named I Want to Go to the Zoo With Roy Halladay's 2014 Man of the Year



For all that happened during 2014 (and there was a lot), it will undoubtedly be remembered for one singular, face-breaking event: Roy Halladay going to the zoo with a handsome, witty, intelligent, charming, dashing, handsome, lovable bolgger. Paired with everything else Halladay accomplished during the year (joining Twitter and instantly winning our hearts, piloting solo flights, promoting charity, coaching little league, penning a love letter to Chase Utley), it should come as no surprise that Harry Leroy Halladay III has, once again, been selected as Zoo With Roy’s Man of the Year*! 

NOTE: STILL HAS A NASTY HOOK

Legacy is a tricky thing, something that can topple-- or hollow-- as one reveals their true person in lieu of carrying out profession. It’s much simpler to garner favor for an output that stems from natural ability consumed as product than it is to build that legacy based on innate character and/or superlative actions. Roy Halladay became a cultural icon due to baseball, he remains a hero because he’s a great man.

This annum’s best, as it were.

* This marks Mr. Halladay's fifth consecutive ZWR MOTY Award. For a full history, please see: 
 


Monday, December 29, 2014

Eagles Week 17 Report Card


Welp, that was a season.

Quarterback
ZWR: FRANCHEZ had about 600 yards passing and also should have had like 13 turnovers moral of the story is who cares? Grade: Fuuuuuuuuu

DG: I slept through about 80% of this game because I was up late the night before and getting old is a process that almost literally saps life from your body as you are forced to sit back and watch helplessly. Solid nap, though. Woke up just in time to see one of Sanchez's touchdowns then went back to sleep. Grade: B

The Evster: The whole “Super Bowl or bust” mentality is so stupes. Be happy that for 15 out of 16 weeks, this team provided you with three hours of quality distraction from your clam chowder-filled life. This year, we got to witness half a season of Folesy moonballs and then NINE STRAIGHT WEEKS of Marf Sanchez. I thoroughly enjoyed every second. I also fell asleep during yesterday’s game. Grade: A forever


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

BREAKING ZWR EXCLUSIVE: Ursinus vs. Rosemont - Full Broadcast Now Available




Hey there kids. As you're well aware, The Evster and I were on the mic for this past Saturday's Ursinus vs. Rosemont (head coach: ZWR BFF Coach Hughes) NCAA basketball tilt, and we straight KILLED IT.

"Srsly, ZWR? It wasn't a train wreck?"

No!!! We really were great!

Thanks to the tremendous efforts of our boy Wags (who put this whole thing together ... and hasn't been fired yet), we now have ready access to video of the FULL GAME BROADCAST. I posted it to the ZWR YouTube channel, so stop whatever it is you're doing- work, buying a Christmas present for your mom, watching your dumb children, whatevs- and experience again this Instant Classic (no srsly it went to overtime and had a dunk) right now!

Embedded below if you're extra stupid lazy.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Eagles Week 16 Report Card (Spoiler: Sad)


Quarterback
ZWR: Oh man Franchez that last pick hurt so friggin’ hard but I can’t hold it against you. You did alright most of the game, and people make mistakes. Wait what. Grade: Meh, whatever.

Hardingererer: That last pick was absolutely brutal (me, my dad, and my older brother ditched a family Christmas dinner to watch the last couple minutes in the bar downstairs) but it was pretty fair all things considered when you remember that our season came down to us relying on Mark Sanchez for the last 7 games. Grade: sad

The Evster: I was actually pretty impressed that the Sanchinator was able to heave it to the end zone on that last hail mary. Nice job, Mark. Grade: A forever (so handsome)

Friday, December 19, 2014

Tony Romo and Jason Garrett Share a Moment


If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.










Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Eagles Week 15 Report Card (Plus a Big Announcement!)


A quick note from Danger Guerrero (I'm paraphrasing what he told me): I stink and am a lazy jerk and everyone should hate me for failing them.

Okay, on to the report card!!!

Quarterback
ZWR: Mark Sanchez blows. Grade: F

Hardingererer: Foles was bad when he played and Sanchez has been pretty bad as well but at least Foles was aggressively bad, you know? Like, he threw it more than 10 yards down the field once in a while and everything? Related: My friend tried to tell me Mark Sanchez was the Eagles’ QB of the future after the Thanksgiving game and he was ADAMANT about it. Jesus. Grade: D

The Evster: There were a couple plays where Mark Sanchez tried to evade the rush and just like, fell down. Like, he planted his foot in the ground, looked like he might do some sort of sweet jackknife spin move, and then just fell. There is nothing more embarrassing that having a quarterback who just falls. That said, nice-looking man. Grade: A forever



Monday, December 15, 2014

Eagles New Rallying Cry for 2014



We're from Philadelphia, and We Might.

Photo: cbssports.com


Thursday, December 11, 2014

Pat Gillick Sends Ruben Amaro Jr. to Detention



Found this exclusive insider photo of Ruben hard at work on the offseason plan:


h/t /bucky

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Farewell Jimmy


2,306 Hits
2,090 Games
887 RBI
479 Doubles
453 Stolen Bases
216 Home Runs
111 Triples
5 Division Championships
4 Gold Gloves
2 NL Pennants
1 MVP Award
1 World Championship

Thank you, Jimmy. You were arguably the face of an era... our era. We will always love you.



UPI Photo





Stay Swag.

Michael Martinez Injury Update - Taylor Swift at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Edition (Warning: Underwear!!!)



Still dead.

Click to make it bigger (LOL get it?) 

Monday, December 8, 2014

Eagles Week 14 Report Card


Quarterback
ZWR: Mark Sanchez sucked but I’m not entirely sure it was all his fault. If we had Russell Wilson we’d go undefeated for the next five years. Grade: On to Dallas.

Hardingererer: No better example of what it’s like having a franchise QB vs. a mediocre one off the scrap heap. Grade: C-

DG: This was, kind of, and just let me have this one even if you think it’s insane because it is literally the only thing I have right now, pretty much an even game except for quarterback play. Russell Wilson is awesome and made plays on 3rd and a million, and Mark Sanchez is … less so and didn’t. Like ZWR said, not entirely his fault. It just would have been better if he was awesome. Grade: C-

The Evster: Every once in a while it helps to be reminded that Mark Sanchez can #suck #my #big #black #butt. Grade: A forever (so good-looking)

cbssports.com

Friday, December 5, 2014

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Sixers Win ... Become My BFF


I was thrilled for them to begin with (and am on board with their plan), but their love for the penguin put me over the top. Yes, I'm shameless.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Eagles Week Thanksgiving Report Card vs. Cowboys



Editor's note: DANGER GUERRERO COULD NOT PARTICIPATE THIS WEEK BECAUSE HE WAS TOO BUSY GETTING GREAT #CYBERMONDAY DEALS.




Quarterback
ZWR: OMG Mark Sanchez was amazing was that real life or a food coma and eleventy beers deep dream? Grade: A

Hardingererer: Mark Sanchez successfully kept the ball on a read-option play for a touchdown (!!) and pump-faked multiple defenders when he was roughly 7 yards past the line of scrimmage on another keeper (!!!) and it actually worked (!!!!!!). Nothing else matters. Grade: A+

In this here picture the Cowboy looks like he's kissing Mark Sanchez's butt

Doc Pizza: Ya boi Marky S looked like a straight up stud all day long, easily besting the man FOX referred to as Mr. November, Tony Romeo. His passes were perfect, his scrambles were spectacular and his dives were divine. Remember that Nick guy I all told you sucked? LMAO! Grade: Sweet potatoes with candied walnuts

The Evster: I don’t remember anything that happened in this game. Grade: A forever

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