Thursday, January 29, 2015

INFOGRAPHIC: Inside the Eagles' New Front Office Power Dynamics

As your pal ZWR first reported to the world, the Eagles have promoted Ed Marynowitz (allegedly pronounced, "Man-O-Witz") to the title of "VP of Player Personnel," filling the void left in the wake of early January's coup d'Chip.

If anyone is wondering to themselves, "What do these guys do, exactly?" I took it upon myself to create the following extremely detailed look at the new power dynamic inside the Novacare Complex.

Please enjoy, and feel free to share with your friends, relatives and other people who love to consume viral #content:

Good luck, Ed!

 Seriously though, Hail Chip. Chip Kelly A+++ forever.

Thanks for reading! And don't forget to keep it locked to all offseason for all your Eagles and breaking sports news!

Comprehensive @Sixers vs. Pistons Game Recap


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Not Quite a Snow Day #BACHCAP

“Well of course she did that” moment of the ep
ZWR: Kardashian Virgin gave Chris the giantest, sloppiest, face-eating kiss ever and then immediately after it was over, in the same breath, blurted out, "Seriously, like, you don't even know."

The Evster: Jillian flexing and kissing her "bi's" (insider weightlifting term for biceps) after she won the mud run. I've had enough of the kissing your bi's move. It's time for something new. Like spitting on your bi's or biting them or chaining them to a radiator and making them drink out of a water bowl.

Monday, January 26, 2015

BREAKING ZWR EXCLUSIVE: Photographic Evidence of Patriots Cheating

Can't reveal my source(s) on this due to sensitive nature of subject and potential ramifications from NFL. That said, it appears we have our smoking gun...

Click to expand

Royal Rumble Recap: The People's Champion Stuns Crowd with Dramatic Return

After months away from the ring, The World's Most Electrifying Sports Entertainer returned in a dramatic fashion before a capacity Philadelphia crowd to help Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka capture the Royal Rumble title for the third consecutive year.

Naturally, ZWR photographers were on the scene to capture the biggest moments:

You can practically smell what The Doc is cookin' lol

Rumble winner Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and The People's Champ

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

BACHCAP: The Episode You Saw That Girl's Boob

Girl most likely to shuck this guy’s corn (if you get my drift) first
ZWR: No srsly I made this Google doc with the categories on Monday morning and then BAM a corn shucking competition I should be a Bach producer.

The Evster: Are you talking about (Editor's Note: Can’t say that) or (Editor's Note): Can’t say that either)? I’m guessing you meant (Editor's Note: The second one you can’t say). In that case, I’m going with the powerlifter. She’s basically the only option here. I LOATHE her.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Eagles Player Promises to Strategically Fart

ZWR correspondent Crane Kicker was able to secure an exclusive interview with Eagles long-snapper (and part-time magician!) Jon Dorenbos, in which the former Pro Bowler vowed to strategically fart on an opponent next season. Check it:

Can't wait until the Giants jump offsides next year on a fourth and three...

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Revisiting the Controversial Dez Bryant Call; An Expert Analysis

Let's take it frame-by-frame (image courtesy of ESPN)

Click for greater detail

Clearly not a catch. Well, there you have it!

Monday, January 12, 2015

How to be a Complete N00B

HLHIII tweeted this out yesterday, because he's the best thing ever.

Man, what a missed opportunity for that guy. A few mistakes that I notice, as an expert on being in the same place as Roy Halladay:

* Wearing long pants with a short sleeve shirt. Not a fan. I much prefer shorts with a long sleeve jawn. Also, pink shorts are definitely manly and exude confidence.

* Staring at a roller coaster. Who does that? I know, I know ... "What if his family is on it?" The answer to that is simple: look at hot chicks (respectfully) or whip out the old smartphone and check Zoo With Roy ( I can only assume he's also a ZWR fan).

* Why isn't he eating a funnel cake or ice cream cone? Like I said, N-0-0-B.

* Far as I can tell, isn't taken yet.

Knowing that Roy Halladay is hilarious, he probably staged this whole thing and then rode the log flume with his new friend afterward.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

BACHCAP: Season Premiere!!!

Hey there, the ladies, and guys whose ladies make them watch shows like The Bachelor. After a brief hiatus, Bachcaps (#BACHCAP) are back! As always, I'm joined by Evan and Sara Circs (aka Bazooka Mom). Let's get to it.

Okay, explain who this guy is to ZWR I fell off the last few seasons
ZWR: From what I can tell he has no upper lip and does push-ups on hay bails. Also, I get Iowa and Idaho confused a lot. What's a harvest? Hi guys how are you doing?

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