Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Nobody Cares About Your Bracket

Please, tell me more about your NCAA Tournament Bracket.

Wait, who's your big sleeper again? That's a really good one; yes, of course I want to hear more about their Top 100 wins and conference RPI. Oh man, you're right, this really could be the year Gonzaga gets to the Sweet 16. And how. No way you almost have the same huge upset prediction as me. Any shot you could you tell me some hedges you've employed. Oooooh, that's smart. The lady in your office picker her teams HOW? What a lark! Now before we go any further, and I want to hear it all, can you just tell me who your Final Four is? Nailed it. Okay, yes, back to how a 12 always beats a 5. Bro I know it Kentucky is so legit. Hey, your alma mater is in the tournament this year. Did you predict them to lose early so that if they get far who cares if your bracket is crap because you're so stoked or say "screw it" and pick them to go all the way so that it'll be the best ever if they do? That's a big decision. Yeah totally the Big 12 is way overrated I agree. Duke so got a favorable draw just like every year way to be impartial NCAA. Your bracket factors in points for upsets but you did the numbers and found out it doesn't make sense to just pick all of the underdogs? Dude you should work in analytics. Just kidding I know you're a baller at heart. Like Villanova's depth? Same. Temple got screwed, I know it. Anything can happen in March, though. Can't bet against Izzo.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015


I am, if nothing else, a man of the people. Or perhaps a penguin of the people, YMMV.

And so, when I received the above excellent suggestion earlier, you bet your holy butt I turned that puppy out less than a half an hour (1/8 the actual run time of Gone Girl, by the way) later, flipped my mouse off the desk and admired my work:

No but seriously Frank Gore will probably get robbed at a trailer park in Indianapolis

See what I mean? KILLED IT.

Or did I?

#BACHCAP: Finale!!!

Best farm
ZWR: I honestly have no idea how farming works. Corn grows in the snow? What was that thing they were shooting the plants into? Who do they sell their crops to? Like, farmers markets? How big is an acre? People still do this? Their houses looked nice, so there must be money in it. Maybe I should be a farmer. I can drive the crop catcher and grow snowcorn.

The Evster: Definitely not Chris. His farm had no goats, no cows, no drive-thru windows to pick up Tea-Cooler and TastyKakes on the way home from work, no baseball fields where ghosts can play, no cute little markets that sell jams and jellies and massive containers of maple syrup that are way too overpriced but still a must-buy because how often do you get a chance to pour maple syrup out of a rusty metal canister and only two horses.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

The First Annual ZWR SWAGALYTICS Quadrant Report

Wow, the past two weeks in Philadelphia sports have been crazy! The Sixers traded the reigning rookie of the year and KJ McDangDang (TM @cranekicker) in picking up fourteen more draft picks and future All Star Isaiah Canaan on deadline day. Shortly thereafter, the Flyers shipped away stalwart defensemen Kimmo Timonen and Braydon Coburn leading into the NHL trade deadline. The Flyers, too, stockpiled for draft day. Then the Eagles asploded everything! Toddfather, Sconces, and Trent Cole were released, freeing up a billionty. Shady was traded. SHADY WAS TRADED!

What's behind all of this? Well, it's a combination of things, namely our new corps of management's penchant for decisions rooted in the study of things like probability and OPTIONALITY and their having the guts to stand behind their decisions-- even if they confound traditionalists. As such, it seems an appropriate time to examine where big four's leaders fall on the

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Special Eagles Report Card w/ the OGs Craney, Danger, and Evan

Running Backs
ZWR: You have to make this trade. Linebacker is a position of greater need that’s tougher to fill, this is a deep running back draft, and (like it or not) the salary cap plays a huge role in these decisions. All of that said, I love Shady. 

Grade: A+++++++++++++++++++++++++ forever and thank you for so many amazing memories.


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

#BACHCAP: Women Tell All

Dude, I love the Women Tell All Eps
ZWR: Dude, I love the Women Tell All eps!!! It’s always interesting to get the ladies’ opinions on things after they’ve had the benefit of time and hindsight - like, “Oh my god this guy is a total moron and I was just excited to climb down a glacier TBQH there’s no way I was ever in love with that meat sack but thanks for the cool vacations!”

Not gonna lie, I also like the sassin.

Evster: I'm five minutes into this show and I can't handle anything.

Monday, March 2, 2015


The Flyers now have five picks in the top 90 and seven picks in the top 101. They have two first round selections and two third rounders. The Sixers have the potential for four first round picks and five second round picks. This is all thanks to the diligent efforts of one man...


Bow to the king

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