As you've likely seen by now (and I first reported as your #1 Most Trusted NFL Source), the Eagles released their 2015 schedule yesterday. Allow me to go through each game with a quick burst of expert analysis and a surefire lock prediction. ON TO IT!
Week One, at Falcons: Tim Tebow indoors at the joint he owned during his SEC days? LOL GTFOH Eagles win.
Week Two, Cowboys at home: This could be tough- DeMarco Murray is the best back in football. Oh wait he's on our team. Easy win.
Week Three, at Jets: Do the Jets even have a coach? Win.
Week Four, at Redskins: Oh man, the dreaded Jets/Redskins back-to-back. Eagles round the quarter pole at 4-0.
Week Five, Saints at home: SPROLES (aka FROLES) going to put up 600 all purpose yards against the Jimmy Graham-less Saints as the Birds surge to 5-0.
Week Six, Giants at home: Can't wait to watch eleventeen montages of ODB catching balls pregame with one hand while wearing headphones that's not annoying at all. This will be the game Josh Huff breaks out on national television. EAGLES WIN DUH.
Week Seven, at Panthers: Teal. They wear teal. 7-0. Gimme dat bye fam.
Week Nine, at Cowboys: Third straight night game- really missing James "Night Games James" Casey here. Could be a tough spot if Chip didn't have two weeks to prepare for Jason Garrett. Also, I am assuming half the Cowboys are in jail this late in the season. Win, but may be close (if half of the Cowboys aren't in jail).
Week Ten, Dolphins at home: More teal. Remember that time we played in Miami on Monday night and the stadium was 90% Eagles fans? That was fun. Win. Ryan Mathews six touchdowns fantasy killer day.
Week Eleven, Tampa at home: Pending litigation, Jameis Winston could be making his Linc debut for the Bucs. The Bucs are awful. We will win.
Week Twelve, at Lions: FOOD COMA BEST (win)
Week Thirteen, at Patriots: You never really want to play the defending Super Bowl champions on the road in a bright lights game. That said, I just can't see New England having the personnel necessary to keep up with our squad. Pencil this game in as the one where Zach Ertz surpasses 100 receptions on the season.
Week Fourteen, Bills at home: Shady A++++++ Forever but he'll lose I'm pretty sure the Bills don't have a quarterback on their roster.
Week Fifteen, Cardinals at home: Why do we play the Cardinals every year? Are they still in the NFC East. Eagles lose on purpose to get rid of any perfect season talk.
Week Sixteen, Redskins at home: Talk about a Christmas present! The Redskins will surely be a team that's simultaneously in turmoil and mailing it in, as they are every December (but that's none of my business). The Eagles will be "angry", coming off of a (not at all intentional) loss to the Cards. Mark it down in pen: win.
Week Seventeen, at Giants: "Look at Beckham in warm-ups, he's catching the ball with one hand!!!" 15-1 let's get on the the playoffs.