Tuesday, September 22, 2015

A Definitive List of Food You Cannot Eat During Any More Eagles Games


A confession: I'm very superstitious. As a kid (and still today in stupid men's league) I always got dressed the same way in hockey locker rooms, my old man and I had an elaborate set-up for the entire 1993 Phillies playoffs television watching experience ... stupid stuff like that. I was pouting about the Eagles awful start yesterday when I stumbled upon another iteration of this behavior from my past. In 2003 the Eagles had Super Bowl aspirations, but started 2-3 and had a make-or-break game in New York against the Giants. Beforehand, I made a sausage and peppers sandwich (total banger btw). Things were looking very bleak up until the final minute, but Brian Westbrook saved it-- and the season-- with a late punt return touchdown.




The Eagles won that game, and the next eight. And I ate sausage and pepper sandwiches for the rest of the season, which concluded with a division title and trip to the NFC Championship game. "Hey Zoo, they lost the NFC Championship game that year!" Yes, I know. I was at a friend's house and ate a cheesesteak. Essentially, I saved the season and then ruined it. You're welcome and I'm sorry.

AT ANY RATE, I'm thinking we need to right this ship and get rid of all the unlucky foods that caused our heroes to lose their first two games. I'll start it here, and will update as the day(s) go on as you let me know what your big dumb face was jamming into itself last Monday and this past Sunday. I hate when sites are like "leave yours in the comments!", but feel free to leave them there if you like only I'm not copying them into this post because they're right below it. 

A Definitive List of Food You Cannot Eat During Any More Eagles Games

Meatball sandwiches
French Fries
Wheat Thins
Sweet & Sour Chicken
Wonton Soup
Victory Hop Devil
Flying Dog Blood Orange Ale
Schlafly Pumpkin Ale
A Dino Nugget
Wawa Gobbler
Pringles
Chicken Tagine (never hear of this looks good gonna have to try AFTER the season)
Cheese Pizza
Cheesesteak Spring Rolls
Landshark Beer
An Entire Box of Off-Brand Mint Oreos
Hebrew National All-Beef Hot Dogs
Popcorn
Raw Vegetables (oh man gonna be hard to give those up SIKE)
Chips and Guacamole


Alright kids, let's save us a season!

15 comments:

  1. Fish tacos, salted caramel pretzel shots, meatballs, penne with vodka sauce, water.

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  2. Fish tacos, salted caramel pretzel shots, meatballs, penne with vodka sauce, water.

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  3. Any Buffalo Wild Wings whatsoever

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  4. I didn't eat Sunday, just drank a lot...Monday wasn't fun.

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  5. You can go screw, almost all of those foods are more likable than the Eagles.

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  6. Chili. Any and ALL kinds of chili.

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  7. I see fish tacos above but, sadly, I'll need to add shrimp tacos and carnitas tacos to the list as well. Eagles Jesus probably hates all tacos, so better to err on the side of caution.

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  8. Sierra Nevada IPA, Peter's Brand Dutch Style Pilsner, Chips, Salsa, Farmer John Hot Dogs

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  9. Sierra Nevada IPA, Peter's Brand Dutch Style Pilsner, Chips, Salsa, Farmer John Hot Dogs

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  10. WAIT BUT I ACTUALLY HAD FLYING DOG BLOOD ORANGE DURING THE GAME does this mean I cursed the Eagles? I'm so sorry...

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  11. Definitely no more cheese pizzas ever

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  12. Definitely no more cheese pizzas ever

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  13. party meatballs and steakumms (yeah i know).

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  14. Pepperoni Pizza (well done of course) and buffalo tenders

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Leave a comment, or whatever.

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