Tuesday, February 24, 2015

#BACHCAP: Kaitlyn Deserves Better


See, this is why he should have kept __________
Sara Circs: Carly. She was funny and these women are NOT INTERESTING.

ZWR: Gonna let Bazooka mom run the point on this one and agree with her. Carly was peaking-- BLOSSOMING, if you will-- into her role and then old buckethead booted her. Luckily, Kaitlyn is still around to provide any sort of personality. Oh, wait.



Tuesday, February 17, 2015

#BACHCAP: Snow Day Edish (w/ Pics of Frank the Cat!!!)


So, what did we miss on Sunday I didn't watch?
ZWR: No idea bruh I was watching SNL. My wife looked it up, we had this exchange:

Nag: "He took Jade on a one-on-one."
Me: "Which one is that?"
Nag: "Dark hair."
Me: (blank stare)
Nag: "From Nebraska."
Me: (blank stare)
Nag: (sigh) "Playboy."
Me: "Aaaaaaaaah, Jade!"



Friday, February 13, 2015

Some Valentine's E-Cards to Spark the Romance This Weekend




Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, AND it's almost time for pitchers and catchers to report to Clearwooder, so I figured it was the perfect time to make some more e-cards like I literally do every year on this same exact day.

If you forgot to get that special someone in your life a gift, don't worry! Just send them one of these and all will be forgiven.




Thursday, February 12, 2015

Kevin Seitzer Discusses How He Feels About Having To Coach Against Roy Halladay


As I exclusively reported way back in the depths of this winter, Phillies legend and general human superhero Roy Halladay will serve as a special instructor to the team at Spring Training. Exciting, right? It's not difficult to imagine the staff-- if it listens to HLHIII-- posting the best numbers in Grapefruit League history while surpassing all previous records of personal fitness.


It seems opponents are, in lieu of our excitement, anticipatory (in a sense) of having to face Roy. I recently sat down with new Braves hitting coach Kevin Seitzer (pictured above) and asked his thoughts on leading his charges against Halladay's. His reply :

MY own heart let me have more have pity on; let
Me live to my sad self hereafter kind,
Charitable; not live this tormented mind
With this tormented mind tormenting yet.
I cast for comfort I can no more get
By groping round my comfortless, than blind
Eyes in their dark can day or thirst can find
Thirst ’s all-in-all in all a world of wet.

Welp, there you have it! 

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

#BACHCAP: South Dakota and Whatnot


This guy’s head may seriously be filled with nothing but rocks and candy moment of the ep
ZWR: I can’t totally fault the giant box of muscle and testosterone for this, but in commenting on his solo date with Becca he said, “She looked smoking hot riding that #horse!” We get it, she’s straddling something with her legs apart and her boobs are bouncing. You’re imagining her on top of you during a boink sesh- all perfectly natural and acceptable- but to say she’s “smoking hot” at that moment is just an extra frat bro high five. Not needed.



Friday, February 6, 2015

CLEARWOODER 2015 PLEASE




True story: When I went outside this morning my butt froze off. Literally, it fell off. I was taking my kids to daycare, so I had to pick up my butt and put it in the passenger seat, then load the WAHs into their car seats, then drive to the school with no butt, then take them in and say hi to all of their teachers... while not having a butt. It's that cold.

So, I'm thinking, and I assume you'd agree, that we should all think warm thoughts. Warm in both the literal and figurative senses seems smart. What's the warmest thought available come February? SPRING TRAINING. zOMG yes plz.

So yes, a dual announcement.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

#BACHCAP (Day After Super Bowl Episode)


zOMG Chris is the worst mome of ep
ZWR: Probably the time they were on the group date and everyone was mad that the crazy drunk lady came back. When the lunatic virgin that wants to be a Disney Princess confronted him about it he listened to her rather than stuffing her into a t-shirt cannon and shooting her off into the night. That was a key lapse in judgement, and leads me to believe he’s the worst.

Time.com

Monday, February 2, 2015

Super Bowl Report Card (w/ @DangerGuerrero and @TVMWW)


Quarterback
ZWR: Holy crap those dancing sharks!!! That was the greatest moment in Super Bowl history by far, just ahead of the time that TO poured a Gatorade bucket all over himself the moment he realized he’d be holding out after the game. Grade: Dancing Sharks Forever

The Evster: Have you guys seen this picture of Touchdown Tom-o-Rama from the 2000 NFL Combine?


Esotericky Bottalico Has Some Thoughts on the Super Bowl



Wow, what a game last night, huh?!

Concur, Eso, concur.

Super Bowl Sunday Recapped in One Perfect Photo


A lot of people are talking about the Pat Burrell Instagram video. A lot of people are talking about Katy Perry's halftime show. Only ZWR has the vigor to dig deep and find the inherent connection between the two. You're welcome, the world. You're freakin' welcome.


Yes of couse feel free to make that your wallpaper and submit the design to Fathead. Bonus brilliance after the jump!

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