Thursday, December 31, 2015

Roy Halladay Named Zoo With Roy's 2015 Man of the Year




For all of the severity of real life to have taken place in 2015, our pop culture society may yet remember it as the year Star Wars returned. In the epic series, it is something known as the Force that surrounds and binds all around us. Jedi masters taught young warriors the ways of the Force, and they then used it- for good or evil- to fight for the universe.

Perhaps no Philadelphia athlete represented the simultaneous understanding, harnessing, and use of The Force better in 2015 than Roy Halladay. And now that the Phillies, under the empire of new boss Matt Klentak, have acquired Roy’s windup doppelganger (homage to greatness, in my opinion) Charlie Morton this offseason, one might even consider this winter an Attack of the Clones. While the jury remains out on how well Klentak’s Light-SABR wielding will Awaken the next young crop of Phillies’ Jedi Knights...

Wait, I’m sorry. I have no idea what I’m even talking about anymore- I’m just desperately straining for Star Wars analogies. Forgive me.

It is with great pleasure that I announce to you that Harry Leroy Halladay III is ZWR’s Man of the Year for the calendar year 2015. Roy is the 2015 Zoo With Roy Man of the Year not only because he was a great baseball player, a great person, a great pilot, a great BFF, and an overall friend to man and beast, but because he’s basically Obi-won Kenobi. zOMG I’m so sorry.


* Editor's note: This marks Mr. Halladay's sixth consecutive ZWR MOTY Award.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Eagles Week 15 Report Card



Quarterback
ZWR: Okay so here’s the deal: we need to stay positive. This season has been a giant piece of disappointing crap but we somehow still control (seems the wrong word, but whatevs) our own destiny. Of the quarterbacks left out there fighting for their playoff lives with a chance to execute a final two game surge that will get his team in none have sleeves as outrageously large and obnoxious as Sam Bradford. I believe. No, I be-sleeve. Grade (for rest of way): we got this. Grade (for last night): C-

The Evster: Stop it. This team is garbage. This quarterback is garbage. This unseasonably warm weather is garbage. And even if the Eagles DO win their next two games (which they won't) they'll still be a giant pile of meatless garbage. They're not explosive, they're not fun to watch, they’re not worth putting the effort in to make this last bullet point interesting. In case you couldn’t tell, I have NOT had my breakfast yet this morning. Grade: Captain Crankypants!



Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Monday, December 14, 2015

Eagles Week 14 Report Card


Yesplz we won in Shady's return. Normal cast of characters here- Evster, Danger, Dr. Pizza LEGGO!

Quarterback
ZWR: Yo Sammy Sleeves had things under control, only his receivers never catch footballs and his offensive line isn’t always good. That’s not to say the sleevemeister would have had eleventy billion yards passing or anything yesterday, but my man was dealing and the numbers should have been better. Grade: A-

HEY GUYS GREAT WIN LET'S GET SOME BUFFALO WINGS LOL GET IT?

Monday, December 7, 2015

Eagles Week 13 Report Card (with @Evsterrr and @DangerGuerrero)


Quarterback
ZWR: Mimosas are amazing. We had some before the game, and they made the morning so much more fun. We’ve been to a few all-inclusive jawns in the Caribbean and getting drunk at breakfast while nomming eggs bennie before snorkeling rules. Maybe one day we’ll have a star quarterback. Until then, mimosas. Sammy Sleeves played well. Grade: A

WOOOOO BIG WIN BOYS LET'S HIT THE SHOWERS

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