Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Eagles Week 15 Report Card ... Like Eleventy Days Later (YOLO)


Quarterback
ZWR: The Giants are wearing Starter jackets tomorrow night. And their old helmet logos. The Eagles, once again, are in their dorkbeak loserface 1993 ESPN 2 Extreme arena football all-black dweeb uniforms. Awesome. Thanks. We stink and we look like nerds. Grade: Everyone wants kelly green but Jeff Lurie doesn't care because he thinks he's the only history this team has but at least we have windmills (too much???)

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Eagles Week 14 Report Card (w/ Lots of Christmas Cookie Talk)


Editor's Note: Posting this week's report card on Tuesday because all three of us had to be adults yesterday BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Quarterback
ZWR: Okay, Carson Wentz is awesome again. WHEW! Thank goodness. Homeboy looked smooth back there yesterday. If his offensive line knew how to block or his receivers could drag their feet like any kid playing two hand touch in the playground knows to do we may just have won but frankly Wentz looking good is more important than winning a game that doesn’t matter since we’re too crappy to make the playoffs AGAIN so whatevs. Grade: A+++++++++++


Monday, December 5, 2016

Eagles Week Whatever It Is Report Card (Spoiler: STINK. STANK. STUNK.)


Hi everyone Dr. Pizza is not here this week he got passed out celebrating the Penn State win in Indianapolis on Saturday we don't even know if he's still alive to be honest. Enjoy Evan and I talking about eggs and naps. 

Quarterback
ZWR: Welp. Grade: F-

The Evster: Fell asleep in the 2nd quarter, woke up at some point in the 4th, put on Midnight Run with Bobby Deniro and Charles Grodin, had a great day. Grade: A forever

ZWR: Didn’t fall asleep during the game, but did doze off on the couch while the kids watched The Snowy Day (so great, on Amazon Prime if you have it) at around 6:30 it was so nice.

Photo: NPR

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