Monday, March 6, 2017

BREAKING ZWR EXCLUSIVE: HLHIII to Join Phils Spring Training Staff

As first reported by noted scab welch and archenemy Todd Zolecki, Roy Halladay (with whom I attended the zoo BTW) will be joining the Phillies staff in Clearwooder this spring. This can only be taken as good news, for many reasons: Roy Halladay is everyone's hero, he is the most focused human being on earth, and data suggest that proximity to historic greatness has positive effects on group performance. Look for the Phillies to roll up at least eleven shutouts in coming weeks, or only give up runs as a way to push the offense.

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