Showing posts with label phillies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label phillies. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Friday, June 6, 2014

Phils First and Second Round Draft Review

The first two rounds of the MLB Amateur First Year Players from America Only Some of Whom Were Already Drafted but Went to College Anyway Draft took place last night, and our heroes selected a couple of pitchers. Let's check them out!

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Photo Credit: Crane Kicker

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Phils Unleash New Weapon

ZWR enthusiast Bert Macklin, F.B.I. sent along this photo from today's debacle against the Natinals. Despite his being the newest member of the team, Unknown is definitely my favorite option out of the bullpen already.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

4/29/14 vs. Mets - One Sentence Recap

"Wayne Simmonds had a hat trick and Steve Mason was basically Jesus With a Glove Hand and tonight is GAME SEVEN."

Also the Phillies lost to the Mets

Monday, April 28, 2014

4/25/2014 - 4/27/2014 vs. #GODBACKS - One Sentence Weekend Series Recap

"The Phillies owned it to close out a successful West Coast trip also AJ Burnett never gives up runs which is good."

A.J. Burnett Philadelphia Phillies
Great Number

Thursday, April 24, 2014

NY Times Reveals Shockingly Honest Baseball Maps

If you get a chance today, you should really check out the NY Times'* interactive maps of baseball fandom. As always, they do great work and you can spend hours of your work day zooming in and out and learning stuff.

However, if you don't have that kind of time, I've taken the liberty of including the some of the most important maps in these here bolg post:

Monday, April 14, 2014

James Calvin Rollins Swag-O-Meter Update

He did hit a walk-off the other night, you know.

Updated to include this gif of J-Roll telling a heckler to eat a butt

Courtesy of Crashburn Alley (I didn't actually ask him or anything but he loves me so whatevs)

Monday, April 7, 2014

@kunk7's New Phils Primer

Hey there, kids. Despite how good of a fan you may be, odds are you're not totally up to speed on every player on this Phils roster. Don't sweat it-- I'm not either! Luckily for us, Kunk is here to help out. "Wait who is Kunk what kind of name is that why should I care what he says?" Trust me, donkey. He lives in Northern Virginia and tips me off on beer releases and has an absolute barrel of a chest and frankly looks like a guy who doesn't need Twitter validation. Besides, it's Monday and miserable outside and we all know you're not doing any work right now. ENJOY!

If you’re at all like you me, you spend every extra minute you have wasting time on Twitter. And hey, Twitter’s great, it’s really great, but it’s not like I learn anything there. For every newsworthy tweet I see, I read 100 tweets with song lyric parodies or acrostics that spell out #Benghazi. So why does this relate at all to the new faces on the Phils 2014 roster? Because, Essentially, Nobody’s Gonna Have A Zipping Idea who any of these guys are if you waste all your time on Twitter! So I did the tough research for you! Let’s meet the team:

No seriously, Twitter is pretty great

Thursday, April 3, 2014

ZWR BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: New Info on Papelbon Emerges (Pssssst, the Phillies)

Many thought after last night's blown save things couldn't get much worse for Phils closer Jonathan Papelbon... well that just may not be the case. Shown below is a photo that was forwarded to the ZWR investigative team by an anoymous Federal Law Enforcement source. "Wow" is all I can say. Lets see how this one plays out, kids.

h/t to the 50000 people who suggested this joke on Twitter

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

4/1/2014 vs. Rangers - One Sentence Recap

"The Phillies finally have figured out how to use the bullpen ... APRIL FOOLS!!!"

Star-Telegram/Paul Moseley

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Monday, March 31, 2014

Five Things To Be Excited About This Season

Hey there kids, it's Opening Day! I know that some of you are ... less than thrilled ... with the current state of things, but your buddy ZWR is here to remind you of some reasons to be happy about the 2014 season. 

1. Chase Utley. /cues Kashmir, breaks three keyboards typing this paragraph. Honestly though, you should sift through your (justified) frustrations and be appreciative when given the opportunity to watch one of the franchise's more iconic and successful players-- and that's what Chase f'n Utley is. Also, he's dreamy. Also also, he's kind of still good so BOOM. Same goes for Cole Hamels if his shoulder isn’t asploded.


Saturday, February 22, 2014

ZWR EXCLUSIVE: A List of Other People the Phillies Have Ratted Out

As I'm sure you're all aware, the Phillies have come under fire in the past few days for (ALLEGEDLY) ratting out their fifth and sixth round draft picks to the NCAA after they couldn't come to contract agreements.

Matt Gelb is reporting that the Phillies will release a statement today, which I'm sure will be riveting, but in the meantime EXCLUSIVE ZWR sources have happened upon another list of people the Phillies have narced on in recent months, shedding a much more dramatic light on the inner-workings of the organization:
  • Some random Camry driver going 63 mph in a 55 zone
  • A South Philadelphia student borrowing his buddy's Netflix login
  • A 20 year old female college student enjoying a craft beer at her family reunion 
  • A 38 year old mom of three medical marijuana user that doesn't meet the clinical standards for anxiety
  • Some Manayunk pre-teens not wearing their bike helmets
  • A Montgomery County small business owner that wrote of his wife's car as a business vehicle
  • A bartender pouring one more drink at 2:02 a.m.
  • A 57 year old retiree with 12 items in the express lane (the apples count as separate items!)
  • The large restaurant chain owner that was stealing his employees' tips* 
 Way to go, Phillies! Keep on fighting the good fight. What's right is right. Rules are rules.

*oh wait nevermind that one was actually a good thing

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Snitches Get (Baseball) Stitches? My Column:

ZWR sources are reporting on The Good Phight's reporting and Hardball Talk's reporting on Baseball America's Aaron Fitt's reporting that it's possible the Phillies may have reported (but in a different way) a former draft pick to the NCAA for using an agent in draft negotiations. There are no new details to report at the moment. 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Love This Line from Dan Szymborski; Random Photoshop

Byrd + Option Year + Possibly Shopping Dom?

Friday, October 11, 2013

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Sympathy For LARRY F'N BOWA (***Warning Rated R***)

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a manager of wrath and hate
I've been around for f***ing years
Stole many a man’s soul and faith
And I was ‘round when Jesus Christ
Was my war cry of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Travis Lee
Knew he sucked before I sealed his fate

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